Will Power

I'm thin but I'm mushy and it's summer so I need a plan. Normally I can set my mind to anything and I will achieve it. I'm determined, discipline and a pro at brainwashing myself. Which is why I suck at love. I digress.

Anyway, my thing is sweets, I love chocolate, I love cookies and so does LSBoy so we eat something sweet with every meal. Its TIME, time for me to get back to me the gym rat--the skinny fit gym rat. I love the gym, I love people watching and working myself out so hard I almost pass out. Euphoria! I just can't find the umph to get going. It's so much easier to just say fuck it I still fit in my clothes so I don't have to stop. The thing is those ten pounds usually just appear out of no where. One day you wake up and nothing fits. It's not a gradual thing. The good news is that the girls at my new job are not pigs. They are all thin but not obsessive thin--they just dont munch all day. So I would look like a fat pig if i was munching all day, therefore i dont.

Hitting 32 soon gotta get on it. I've noticed in court that most of the women attorneys in my area are frumpy and gross. I wont be that girl. NO WAY.

This post is even boring me.

Wondering about LSBoy and I? Well lets just say I've put deposits on THREE apartments and backed out of all of them (in the last 5 months) I don't know what it is we are hooked on eachother like crack and I haven't been able to leave. We haven't fought in a whole month which is a record. Like a wise girl once said (recently lol) if you cheat you WILL get caught. So i've given up on trying to invent shit. And I trust myself more because I don't have that wandering eye anymore. And you know if you trust yourself you can trust others more easily.

Ok Im bored with this but I have a story--topic--whatever that I want to hash out when i have more energy. About Ex's...Do you really miss your ex or are you just lonely? Cuz I dont miss any of my Ex's but I do tend to communicate with them when I am single. And I always realize they are the same guys they were before I broke up with them. Somethings never change so why waste my energy.

Three NEW Posts published Today check me out!!

Be Real People

Can I ask a really weird question? Why is it that we are trained to think that just because people share the same blood line as us, they take some kind of priority position in our lives. Why do family members get exceptions to rules, why are they allowed to walk all over us and why do we HAVE to forgive them?

With the exception of my sister, I love most of my friends more than my family. Why? Because my family annoys me. I know them the best and they are sometimes not good people. Especially my lil brother. So I choose to stay away from them. I don't feel guilty for not calling to see how people are because you know what...they have my number and can call me too. I'm freaking busy,I work full time, I'm in school, and I don't even have clean laundry so cut me some slack. In those few spare moments I have, like while I'm waiting for the shower to get hot, or sitting at a red light, I'd like quiet. I know, I know, someday ill be on my death bed and ill be looking around and my law school will be nowhere to be found and my bank account will likely be depleted and ill say "gosh i should have loved my family more." WHATEVER.

You know what the problem is? People are afraid to say how they feel, people are afraid to admit that they have ugly thoughts like the one I just shared with you. It makes me sad that people are so brainwashed by society that they can't even be real. Its ok to have bad thoughts we all do and when you acknowledge them you become real not fake and you also become free.

So think about it when you are acting all self righteous like you don't secretly hate girls that are prettier than you (not real hate), or you don't secretly wish your boyfriend treated you the way your best friends boyfriend treats her, or when you hate those see thru white pants the girl with the cheesy ass wears so often. FUCK IT! You are allowed to be a hater if you want, just keep yourself in check and keep it to a manageable level. Dont get me wrong, negativity is poisonous and contagious but once in a while its ok to just say it how it is!

Dissolution

Dissolution of marriage is on my mind 24/7. I started working as a full time law clerk for a pretty well respected Family Law firm in my area. I've been there for almost two months and I already got a $5 raise. I wont tell you what I started at though, you wouldn't believe it. But I believe in eating shit to get places in life. Giving me raises is irresistible, I promise because I KICK ASS!

My hours are 8-5 but really more like 730-6 with a 20 minute lunch. I rush to the court house to file motions ten minutes before hearings. I type letters to nasty, incompetent, social rejects called "opposing counsel" and I laugh all day long at the millions of grammatically incorrect letters ridden with typos.

My office is huge, and the decor is quite charming. I love playing lawyer. Its not work its a job that I love.

The weird part is dealing with my natural empathy towards people in pain and dealing with the anger I feel when people are lying to me, essentially mentally abusing their children, and doing anything they can to get more money and make the other party suffer. Faking disabilities, quitting their jobs, calling the police to monitor child exchange, telling their kids lies, getting new girlfriends or boyfriends who are pushy and try to control the divorce proceedings. I hate them all. Why can't people just separate and be fair about it. Why wouldn't you want your kid with the dad while you are at work? Especially when you probably spent ten years bitching that he never took care of the kids, now he wants to...and even though he's only doing it to piss you off, fuck it! Its free child care.

Why are you asking for more child support when you are wearing $200 jeans AND WHYYYYY would you let an attorney put a lien on your HOME to fight over shit that is worthless? WHY. I cant say this is irrational because we all know that rationality is a matter of doing what is best for you at the time. Its not a judgment call. If you think its right...then its rational. BUT WHY ARE PEOPLE SO EMOTIONAL AND HATEFUL AND DUMB?!?

Sometimes I want to ask them, "do you really think I believe this bullshit? I read the text messages you sent to him/her and ummmm you are pretty much a huge asshole, so no I don't believe anything you say."

Disney says that we are not advocating for what is morally right, we are advocating for what they want.

This is much deeper than it sounds. They are paying you to do something so find a way to do it even if you don't think the chances are good that they will win. That's not intuitive for me. I'm logical but I also have a point where the cost benefit analysis trumps my ability to find an argument for a losing side.

On another note....I'm so glad I'm suffering now instead of later. By the time I graduate I will have written thousands of briefs, motions, points and authorities, stipulations and declarations along with a myriad of other legal duties you don't learn about in law school.

p.s. I still love family law and I vow to be the best EX wife a man could ever have.

Friendship

There are those certain girls one meets that touch your life in such profound ways you just can't forget. With time and circumstances distance becomes inevitable. I find myself longing for those days when I was with these girls all the time. I dedicate this blog post to Disney and my Lil Nugget. Two extraordinary women that touched my heart and soul to the core.

It all began in February of 2007 or 2008 not sure ;). I had just taken the LSAT test and acquired my first "law job." I worked as a law clerk for an amazing real estate attorney. He was excentric and unique but he gave me disney and my lil nugget wings and we took it from there.

We spent a lot of time together from out diet competitions, work out dates at the beach and the mountains to our wild nights out on the town. And throughout it all we mentored each other, listened to each other and were always there for each other. God I miss those girls.

I learned so much about myself from these girls and my heart aches today because--growing up is hard to do--and the distance between us is to big--and i need them to always be there even though we don't get the same quality time we once had.

We went through so much together. Sitting in Fredo's office late at night, eating all the yummy treats Uncle Timmy so graciously bought for us and just talking about anything and everything under the sun. There was so much respect among all of us and so much opportunity.

Now Disney has a JD DEGREE!!!! and is doing barbri god im so proud. And my lil nugget is still learning the ropes but doing such a great job at growing up to be a beautiful self respecting young lady who wants nothing more than to make this world a better place.

I love you girls and I feel sorry for those girls who say that they dont have girlfriends.