I hate ....and I love

I hate when people say "really" in the way that means "are you serious" it sounds so stupid and valley girlish.

I hate when people say "just sayin" oh my god this phrase started being over used about 2 years ago and now it makes me want to throw up.

One word that will never die is "dude" and I think its ok even when I accidentally call my dad dude.

I hate when people are sheep and this causes me great distress. How am I ever going to work for someone and take orders? I used to be able to but now that I have a degree, I guess thats why, I just can't be subordinate.

So guess what.....I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB! Yes, that wonderful once in a lifetime job, yes I quit. Why you ask. Well because I don't agree with the "Case Management" procedures or lack thereof. Because I'm tired of watching grown ass men cry, because I'm tired of talking to irate people and not being able to help them because I AM NOT A FUCKING LAWYER YET. Thats why.

So....maybe Im a huge dumbass and I will be poor and unemployed for ever but at least I have my integrity intact and at least I know how NOT to run a law firm.

The end.

Attention Blawgers

Where are you? Leave me a comment if you are not on my Blawg roll I need some fresh insight---new thoughts, where is IDWSJ? What the hell is going on?

When I first started blogging, two years ago, it seemed like people were so anxious and full of good stories, helpful advice and study tips. Where are you guys? I think I'm missing something.

Who are you? Leave me a comment with your blog url so I can check you all out.

Perpetual Misery

I am so tired of being such a debbie downer. God help me! I have about 200 billion books on happiness and the such, think it's time I pull one out and re-read. I am in charge of myself, and my happiness.

I have a nice home, a wonderful child (kitty), a lovely boyfriend, a fantastic sister and brother...a job and my health. What the fuck else do I want from life!

Time for a recharge. Need to get out of this long ass rutt. It's been a two years that I've been an asshole. Two years too long.

So....with your support, here I go, happiness here I come.

The Simple Life

Simplicity is relative, I know. Here's how I feel right now. I wander around this world with my head up my ass, thinking about the law, thinking about why people do what they do, and thinking about what can be changed and improved. That is a simple statement but its actually quite complex. These thoughts lead in me in a million different directions and usually leave me feeling disappointed. Too much to do and Too little time.

Then I have these experiences where I am out shopping and I watch and judge people. There is the happy young couple with their adorable little rug rat in their expensive stroller, with her big wedding ring. They look so happy.

Then I am in Walmart and the Cashier is a little rough around the edges but I imagine her troubles have to do with money and maybe some family drama.

My point is there are thousands of people who are in my opinion complacent. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I mean they are at peace with just existing and making the most out of their relationships with their family etc. They work, come home, deal with family, eat, sleep, shit and do it again.

Then the one's I am really super jealous of are the tiny cute fit housewives, they have adorable smart kids and they work out everyday, they cook dinner, they clean the house and their adoring husband comes home happy every day.

Some girls dream of wedding dresses, babies and staying at home taking care of their family.

Why are my dreams so fucking complicated, why do they suck the life out of me, why don't I have any interest in wedding dresses and babies. What is wrong with me. Why can't i be simple. Why can't I be ok with just living life. Complacency is underrated.

Someday, I might have a lot of money, although that is not important to me, I will probably be powerful, I will probably have my own law firm, I will probably drive a nice car and have 8 million purses. I will probably have botox and anything else I could have ever dreamed of but will I ever have simple pleasures?

Being me is so overwhelming and I am definitely way too dramatic I know this. The reason this is so pressing is because most of my friends and family are the people I talked about above. Some are blue collar, most are middle class, they have families, husbands, had big weddings and they are happy. I am complex and always troubled.

Maybe I am feeling this way because I will be 32 in a month and I am way too old to be in my third of four years in law school. I should be done with this shit, I should be married, with a kid or two. Instead I live the student life and I am way too old and tired for this shit. I need stability and predictability, I think.

Murder-life-work

My employer's office is directly behind the court house. Due to the nature of my job I spend a lot of time filing documents and sitting in on hearings. I also have the great pleasure of having two professors who are judges in this court house. One is a criminal judge and one is a civil judge. My boss is a family law attorney so I get a taste of everything anytime I want.

One day about two weeks ago I was wondering around the court house and I found a murder trial. From that day forward I spent any free time I had sitting in on this murder trial. The facts of this case are simple but tragic. A gang member allegedly shot and killed an innocent man because he "disrespected him". The evidence against him includes, dna, gun powder residue on his hands, a few witness id's and a license plate id. Oh and the bullet in the victims body was shot from the gang members gun. The defense was "no motive." and I'll quote the defense, "gangmembers are human beings too."

I have had to try really hard to control my emotions, there were many times when the victims bloody body was shown on the overhead projector and the victims family's gasps and crys made my body shudder.

I found myself begging that dick face to turn around and look at me so I could tell him I wished he died instead. It's so emotional.

The verdict comes out Monday. I will always remember my first murder trial.

394th Post

Murder. For the last two weeks I have been sitting in on a murder trial. It has really effected me. I'm kind of obsessed with it. I'm too tired to write now. But I have all kinds of really boring shit to say, so stay tuned.