Boobs and Good People at their Worst

I have a love hate relationship with boobs. I love mine and I hate yours. You see if a girl walks in with what I consider nice boobs I instantly hate her. I usually hate really pretty girls too. The thing is that I feel awkward with these boobs working in a law firm. I told the surgeon I can't look like a two bit whore, I dont want to be a freak show I just want till fill out a bra. So at a 34 D sometimes Im not happy with them and other times I want to look at them all day. They are not humongous but...they are noticeable. I really truly feel contempt when I see a nice rack--is that weird or what.

I meant to be really clever and funny but as usual I have some impromptu conflict in my life, here at 10pm on a thursday night with a big day at work ahead of me. Do they have a pill for that? (KMason?)

im going to go count sheep or maybe count days till I can finally be satisfied with my life. I think I might be ok forgoing love and kids and all that bullshit and be one of those cold ass super hot single old bitches that works 100 hours and comes home to an empty apartment and a full bottle of wine...What say you?

BTW when you dont hear from me in a long time its because I have consumed myself in my miserable life and don't care to bring you all down. Right now my job is my savior.

I work with barbie and she is something else. I actually think I might love her ;) She is a super duper pretty prissy princess bitch (no boobs) but she is crude as all hell you gotta love that. "Alice in wonderland with a truck drivers mouth" DP Now that is my kinda lady ;)

Family law is like an 8 hour jerry springer episode it overstimulates me, my head spins. They say "Good people at their worst." Can you all say PRENUP!!!! Wow you people out there are fucked up in the head! I wanna scream, "Listen you hysterical fucking bastard let the bitch keep the crystal lamp, take your 20 year old girlfriend and move the fuck on. After all this phone call cost you more than the lamp, Im sure.

My Mom Hates Me

And she wont admit it. Talk about chicken shit. So I'm reading this book on how to be a normal human being and it told me to talk to my estranged parent. Here's a little background.

At the ripe ol' age of 17 my mom got knocked up with me. She had lived her entire adolescence in group homes because her own mother committed suicide when she was six. Apparently Gramma crazy had a severe case of diabetes and overdosed on meds. Who knows. I don't even know her name.

According to my dad and my aunt (dad's sister) my mom would not bond with me and wanted to give me up for adoption. My aunt told me that she walked in on my mom slapping me around when i was only a few weeks old. It occurred to me that walking to kindergarten (no less than 6 blocks away) at 4 years old in damp mis matched clothes (cuz mom didn't turn on the dryer) and no snack....might not be normal. The neglect continued throughout my life until I stopped it of course.

In first grade the teacher felt I was developmentally challenged and had me tested to see if I was "special" turns out I am ...just not in the way she thought. Third grade came along and the teachers were still concerned. There was no homework doing in my household EVER.

The ironic thing is throughout my childhood both of my parents were in college. They just didn't take an interest in seeing to it that my life was better than theirs. Without being to dramatic...one day around 21 years old I came to a fork in the road. It was either follow my mother or don't. I chose not to and here I am.

I have a freakin adorable car, a super handsome boyfriend, a beautiful cat, a nice house to live in, the best nail lady ever and I'm in law school.

I contacted my mom a few days ago and tried to engage her in a real super serious and honest conversation. She just kept saying, "you are the woman I always wanted you to be..I taught you what you know." WTF! NO YOU DIDN'T LADY...NO YOU DIDNT. YOU DONT GET TO TAKE CREDIT FOR ME.

I am the woman I am because of some very special people but they don't include her. I asked her to tell me why she hates me and all she could come up with was that I am condescending to her. Well to put that in context...any woman who says, "I can't vote for Hillary Clinton, her hair sucks." WILL NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY BY ME. I don't find her dumb girl act amusing or cute, not in the least. Other people may giggle but I think its just plain ignorant.

I told her I hated her because she became a hard core drug addict when I was about 18 years old. I moved out of the family home at 15 but was still affected by her behavior. Especially when her drunk boyfriends would show up at MY house at 1am banging on the door. Or when I would have to buy her shampoo because she spent all her money on drugs.

She said to me, "I hope it's not to late to be a role model to you." YES LADY IT'S TOO LATE!
I said, "thats where you have this all wrong, I dont need a role model anymore I need a mom, someone who I can call and be all silly with and talk about girl stuff with. You wanted to be my friend when I was a delinquent and THATS WHEN I NEEDED A ROLE MODEL."

So apparently the issue is not resolved and clearly I am still angry although I thought I was totally numb to her. The issue here is that MY MOTHER DOESNT KNOW WHO I AM. And that my friends is realllllllll sad.

The end.

Warning XXX

There is this phenomenon, one that baffles me, one that makes me think men are dumber than I already do. You know like the guys who think the Hooters girls really liked them, or the one's who pay for lap dances and think they've met their soul mate...Here it is the infamous "Dick Picture."

I've never understood this. If a guy sends me a picture of his junk I'll probably die laughing then call Verizon and have his number blocked. But I guess there are a few adventurous, maybe skanky types that enjoy pictures of the awkward male anatomy. I think we can all agree that a woman's body is sensuous, a work of art if you will. A man's body, well, not so much.

Have you ever seen that Seinfeld episode? Well that's how I would feel about receiving a dick picture. I'm no prude---believe me! And friends please don't elaborate on that ;). But sending me a picture of your penis will do absolutely nothing for me. Take note.

What kind of Blogger are you?

Look at this wonderful gem I came across. I can't believe they wasted their time reading my retarded blawg but I'm so glad because now I have them linked!!

Check this out and tell me what kind of blogger/blawger you are. I think I border the blogger who just bitches all the time and the hardcore blogger minus the hardcore... Hilarious!

You think I'm crazy....

check out my BFF here

Ok, One more try

My mom gets back online...

Me: Hey mom where did you go I am trying to talk to you....
Her: *crickets*


ok fine whatever guess I'll skip that part of this whole stupid process of trying to be a human being.

Hey, I tried....

Convo with Disney this morning on instant messenger.

ME: One of my "learn how to love you psycho bitch" books says to make amends with your parents 11:48 AM
ME: so i IM'd my mom 11:48 AM
ME: lol 11:48 AM

ME: and she got offline 11:48 AM
ME: so much for that 11:48 AM

Disney: LOL

What???

Google search brought you to me...

"shake her up like dice she taste so good like cake i have to have a slice love from a lovefrom a thug" sent 11 total visits

Law Job / Summer Job / Permanant Job

I am now employed as a legit law clerk for a family law firm 4 miles from my house. I start next Weds. It's a full time job and I will work there all year long until I take the bar..Unless he throws something at me or fires me. I will be doing all the discovery and writing trial briefs. Hows that for a shitty school student? I'm on my way kids!

My personal life is a bit chaotic and of course because I make it that way but I shall overcome, I always do.

More later...

Eyelashes

Im on a mission to fulfill my civic duty by writing reviews to help consumers choose products.

So far I have a flat iron, blowdryer,mascarra and face lotion/wash I need to review.

Here is my review for MAC Prep and Prime Lash---they suckered me into buying it but loooooook at my lashes!

You have to put the primer on first its white then you put mascarra over it. It forms a capsule over your lashes, protecting them from breakage and enlongating them.