Why lawers hate their clients

1. You call 250 times a week to tell me something I already know.

2. You have your friends and family send me gratuitous notes that we don't need.

3. You think you are the only client I have.

4. You are an asshole for suing

5. You are an asshole for being sued

6. You don't pay your bills

7. You don't comply with discovery requests

8. You harass me non stop when there is nothing more I can do until court

9. You call when someone looks at you wrong

10.. YOU don't respect that my time is money and you are wasting it and not paying your bill.

I know why people hate lawyers

People hate lawyers for the following reasons:

1. They have a problem, a problem that is consuming their every thought and has taken over their souls. These people can think of nothing other than said problem so they hire a lawyer and the lawyer doesn't quite feel the same way about the pressing urgency of this matter.

2. They go to their lawyers office and notice the expensive real wood furniture, the fancy paintings, the lawyers expensive suit, and her designer purse, diamond earings and $1000.00 shoes and they wonder...why the fuck am i paying you when you dont care about my problem.

3. Then client's problem escalates and laywer's sense of urgency dissapates even more. Then lawyer threatens to quit you because you are not paying.

4. You are fucked..leaving your lawyer is too scary, they know all about your problem and you don't want to start over, but you don't want to pay because they are ignoring you and they are rich anyway....

5. Your lawyer can't make your ridiculous dreams come true but you are paying for miracles so what is the problem.

6. Your lawyer is friends with opposing counsel! WTF!

7. Your lawyer will NOT take your calls.

8. Your lawyer's clerk is an asshole.

9. Client thinks that only the elite go to a lawyer, therefore, they should have a hand up on the opposition but you don't and your problem is stupid, and you spend tons of money fighting for "the principle" of the matter.

10. When it's all said and done you wonder what you were fighting for. And you hate lawyers because they have the upper hand and why....only because they have access to the law and they know how to read it. You realize you could've handled this without a lawyer and now you hate life and laywers.

Waikiki...

Some how I managed to talk LSBoy and his Mom and family to go to Hawaii for Christmas. Of the group of us I am the only beach person. This presents some potential complications. Here is my vision:

Put bathing suit on, open all windows in hotel room, go to bar, eat, shop, sleep in, wake up lay on the beach--do nothing at all except maybe indulge in some leisure reading, or maybe just stare out into the ocean, swim, sleep on the beach, grab a drink, eat, sleep on beach, and just B.E.

The group I am traveling with have proven themselves to be low maintenance, easy going, fun people but NOT beach people. I just can't imagine LSBoys mom lounging and doing nothing at all. It's not her. And LSBoy well it's not him either.

But I'm not too worried because just being in paradise is enough for me.

My boss of three weeks now gave me a Christmas bonus! So sweet she really didn't have to do that but I appreciated it.

Here's to Christmas vacation---cheers!

Question for Practicing Lawyers

Do you think that being ready to practice law has any bearing on whether or not you pass the bar? In other words do you think that those people who have worked in law firms doing substantive work for a period of time have a better chance of passing the bar?

I have a year and a half left before I take the bar and I already purchased my Family Law Practice guide set. I also want to purchase the bankruptcy and personal injury sets. Am I jumping the gun?

I will use these resources at work not just for decoration.

New Job, Exams, and Bitch find your own man

Despite my fear about quitting my dream job with Satan and never working int his town again--- I managed to land another dream job. This time with a gal a year younger than me who is doing big things! She's adorable and not used to having staff, which is nice because she treats me like an equal and sometimes like a potential friend. She is competent and best of all ETHICAL. I'm back to slaving over motions and points and authorities and crazy family law clients. God I missed it. I wasn't planning on working but I couldn't resist when she offered me the job. I had worked with her when I worked for Satan. I even wrote a few scathing letters to her...luckily they were signed by Satan so she doesn't know they were my snide remarks. It wasn't personal anyway. So far so good.

I studied so damn hard for Evidence and the teacher only tested on Prior bad acts, Impeachment for lack of truthfulness and competency. No privileges, no similar happenings, no habit evidence----nothing. I need a hypo I can chew on, not a call of the question which states, "Did the Judge rule correctly using FRE 609?" Geezus let me figure out the rule of law at least. Whatever I probably failed.

Next exam is Biz Orgs. I thought it would be easy to study for because I have some biz background. WRONG. I just cant get the shareholder voting rules down. Cumulative voting and such. WTF!

Lastly, girls do not call your ex when you need help, it is so lame especially when you know your ex has a girlfriend. My man is also known as Captain Save-a-hoe, Save-a-bro and Save-a-Co. Fuck. The guy loves to help people and I think he does it because it makes him feel good to know so much about everything in life. There is nothing he can't fix.

But girls find your own resources and leave mine to me. Ok! If you mail him shit I might break it or throw it away. Then I'm gonna bitch at him about it so save us all the trouble and call the geek squad if you are having computer troubles. You wouldn't appreciate it if it was happening to you. Have some respect. Yes, I know my man should tell the hoe's no but he's a dumb guy and he doesn't think that deeply into it. However, if you live across the country and you haven't seen or talked to your ex in years dont appear out of the blue because of some stupid ass computer problem. I would never do that.

Like my biz orgs teacher would say...Whatev

Oh yeah, I'm going to Hawaii for Xmas, be jealous.