Back on Track...I swear!

3:30 p.m. appointment with Professor Torts to discuss my midterm. Being the diligent lil law student that I am -- I dissected my exam and made a pretty outline of the problems I saw and made a list of questions for him so as to not waste his time. (WTF did I just say?) Anyway, he didn't care about that nor did we get to my list or outline. Ok fine. He grabs the exam and begins to read it he asks me what my score was and then proceeded to tell me OH that's really good! WTF! Then he says he didn't curve the grades so my score would have actually been higher based on what he remembered. Professor Torts said my answer was "quite good" but my organization blows. Exercise prescribed: Outline an the answer and show it to him.

Man, I left that meeting feeling soooooooooo much better not just surface better but truly better. Off to the cafe for grilled cheese on squaw..mmmmm.

No sooner do I sit down then Professor Contracts sits at the table RIGHT next to me. He asks me what I am working on and of course I was working on contracts. For the next 45 minutes him and another professor talk about EVERYTHING from his gay daughters admission to Grad School, to her admission essay that compared Jesus Christ to Dr. Seuss, to politics and joining the "revolt"...and on and on. How in the hell am I supposed to focus with him speaking so free RIGHT in front of me. The F* bombs were flying! and Loud! Good thing I talk like a sailor anyway, not that they cared. It was very distracting. Now I felt compelled to work my ass off so he couldn't kill me in class.

I get to class feeling the usual anxiety and then I'm just sick of it. So I do the pep talk and tell myself "You know this shit quit freaking out u spaz." It was obvious something was on my mind I didn't speak to anyone before class, which is unusual. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW!! The odds that I get called on as frequently as I do are just wrong. I get picked on a lot and it's not fair. I can just count on it every gawd damn day. In contracts the only thing I can think of is that he can tell I work hard he see's me studying all the time, I have all kinds of shit in front of me all the time, etc. I think he can tell I am scared and insecure and he is trying to break me of it. It is working...Build me up then break me down --over and over until I stop letting you break me down!

"MISS REBECCA YOU REPRESENT PAVEL ARGUE YOUR CASE"

Fuck you Professor Contracts! I got this. And you know what I freakin nailed it! Nailed it shut! Suddenly I morphed into this confident prepared law student who was ready to "dance" with him. Question after question...I was fine. I debated the other student who represented the Sub Contractor and backed him into a corner with RULES and FACTS! Take that Bitch! Professor pointed out several times the points I was making! "Like Rebecca said..." Once I get warmed up I flow! This is why I CAN do this. I just have to keeeeeep practicing all the time and never stop practicing....practice =confidence and confidence = ability! (In my world anyway) After class my buddies were asking me what got into me. I'm usually so scared of him I blank out. Today I just wasn't in the mood for being punked by him or the stupid voices in my head. Don't worry he will kill my high next week...no doubt.

I'm exhausted...