Saturday, October 10, 2009

Clutter

My childhood was rough and some of my fondest memories are centered on coming home from elementary school to a CLEAN house. I remember walking through the door on those rare occassions that my mother got her ass out of bed at a reasonable time to clean, and feeling a sense of serenity that kept me peaceful through the chaos.

For some reason I particularly remember October. Maybe because it was the change of the season, or maybe it was because my mom would pull out the old glass pumpkin candy holder and fill it with my favorite tootsie rolls. The smell of cinnamin, and pumpkin candles and occassionally a hot meal in the crock pot. I am not kidding when I say that is the extent of happy memories I have of my mother. My sister and brother have a different story of course.

Unfortunately this memory of my mom cleaning the house and making it warm and fuzzy has become a part of me. I am most happy when the house is clean and warm. Don't get me wrong I am just as messy as the next person and I do let my laundry pile up etc. But once a week i get the bug to clean. It is so therapeutic to me. Everything in it's place, everything can be found. I would also like to consider myself a minimalist. I only have what i need and nothing more. This could be because I am unemployed but I really think it is just how I am generally. When I shop I think long and hard about whether I really need something. I rarely splurge.

So about three years ago my dad was ten years into a relationship with a woman. He bought her a condo near his condo and eventually I moved into her condo. Don't ask why he bought her a condo instead of moving her in with him but it worked out for the best cuz now i have my Mexican mommy. Anyway, I lived with her for about two years and she was a real live legit hoarder.

My dad had NO idea because he refused to come to our house. Part of his control issues? I'm not quite sure the whole relationship was awkward and un natural. Her room was FULL from wall to wall with SHIT, mostly trash. She ate on her bed, left open bags of chips, cookies, ashtrays and even cat throw up on her bed. The bitch didnt change her sheets for 12 months. I know these things because she had two cats locked in her room which I fed while she stayed at my dads most of the time. The anxiety and stress this gave me overwhelmed me. One day I spent 10 hours on my hands and knees with bleach, comet, and lysol cleaning the kitchen floor. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

In fact I wouldnt walk on the floor with my bare feet. After a while I gave up on trying to be comfortable and just locked myself in my room, which was spotless. It was my only retreat. I got really sick and tired of this dirty, filthy, lying, using, whore and told my dad to dump her. It took a while but I even took pictures and he finally dumped her.

Organization, cleanliness, and peaceful living environments are what I treasure the most, it gives me the most peace of mind and just makes me happy.

LSBoy..............has three of everything. Has two houses FULL of stuff and NO WHERE to put it. LSBoy has amazing personal hygiene and is not Dirty by any means. But he has too much stuff. No matter what i do I can not clean around it enough to satisfy myself. I feel anxious a lot. He swears that it is only temporary and that soon we will organize and put stuff away. This could be a deal breaker for me. It is overwhelming and makes me grumpy a lot! I have talked to him about this a million times but the guy is just too busy to handle it.

I can't do anything with this shit because I don't know where it goes, what it is or why he has ten of them.

He could quite possibly be almost perfect besides this. How do I accept this and learn to deal with it without going crazy? Do I just wait till we are done with our big project and see if he makes an effort to organize? Or do I just say ...its his one major flaw deal with it. Or do I fucking go ballistic like I want to?

2 comments:

paragon2pieces said...

i don't have any good advice, but i use to be someone who would collect two or three of a lot of things i didn't need. then i had to move and i was so appalled by all of my belongings that i got rid of the crap and made a new rule: i can't buy something new unless the old one has been (i) used up or broken and (ii) thrown out. things are much more peaceful around the P2P house now. moral of the story: he can change, if he wants to. i hope you can help him find the motivation :)

(wild story about your dad's ex! impressed you were able to put up with it as long as you did.)

Nichi said...

We are very much alike, when I was little and my parents would fight I would clean the house... it brings me some kind of order and peace as well. I am married to the polar opposite of me when it comes to cleaning. There can be compromise and it can work. Accepting that I will clean something or pick something up WAY before it will ever cross his mind and he's had to accept that I vacuum, sweep and wipe down the counters like its going out of style.