Tired of being so charming

Sometimes I write my blog posts on a word document then I cut and paste it. It changes things somehow though and I don’t really like it…but I’ll do it anyway because I’m at work and a blank word page is less conspicuous than a blogger template.

Today’s topic is not new to anyone who reads this blog—awkwardness. Again. I somehow attract awkward. Every size, shape, and form of awkward is drawn to me like a magnet and just like a magnet it sticks to me, sometimes draining me of life. It is absolutely exhausting dealing with socially inept people. Most of the time I find people’s idiosyncrasies utterly fascinating but sometimes I want to scream in agony. Can I be the silent one at dinner please???? Just this ONCE!

I was blessed with this uncanny ability to make people comfortable in my presence. This includes the strangest people you encounter in life. The egotistical, the snobby, the dorky, the smart, the shy, the boisterous and all those annoying people you think were either raised by wolves or abandoned in an alley. I study them carefully and try to understand them in as few minutes as possible. Then I ask probing questions next thing you know I have their entire life stories laid out before me. My victim becomes transparent and vulnerable and then inevitably in love with me. People love to talk about themselves and it is a surefire way to get people to like and respect you. Care about what they say and how they say it and take the time to understand them. THIS IS EXHAUSTING!!

My boyfriend is extremely eccentric, most of my friends are very eccentric, and I just want to blend in for a while. I don’t want to have to read 300 news articles, watch 10 movies, and come armed with an evening full of conversation topics. I just want to sit back and let my charm take a breather. I want to observe, listen and lay low. When all of your friends have socialization issues you are fucked. You have to lead the conversation, keep it interesting and make sure there isn’t too much dead air. Honestly, I have no problem sitting with another person and not saying a word. I go to lala land and get lost in my thoughts because I am NOT awkward. In fact I’m quite introspective and self absorbed. I can keep my self entertained with no TV, no radio, no computer---just me and my thoughts……for hours on end. However, this is not acceptable behavior at a dinner gathering or other social event.

This rant is attributed to a 5 day vacation that I am going on with a group of people who don’t seem to warm up to each other and the conversation is always lacking. I’m on doubletime with this crowd and I’m dreading every minute of it. I’m already stocking up on conversation topics and I’m already tired.

OH AND DID I MENTION THEY ARE IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS AND IM THE ONLY ONE NOT IN THE FAMILY? Yes, that makes it even worse!