Locker Room Antics Part I

I have been to three different gyms this year. Some of the more common disgusting behaviors are as follows:

1. Disgusting naked women strutting around like they were in their own homes. Standing in front of the mirror in their g string underwear with their cheesy ass on display for all to see. This served two purposes for me today #1 lost my appetite, #2 worked out a lot harder than i planned. (except now I cant walk cuz Im so sore)

2. Disgusting man who caughs up snot and swallows it.

3. Disgusting pig who smells like the worst foul funk you could ever imagine. Dirty gym clothes thrown in the laundry basket wet, marinating for days, pull them out and wear them again, drive to the gym hotboxing a cig. then take ur disgusting ass into the gym to make me ill.

4. Weird, weird, weird cougar who has perfect hairdo. Her hair frames her face in perfectly symetrical lines. She takes tiny minnie scissors and cuts the strays every single day.

5. The girl who spends 2 hours walking around in circles "dabbeling" with machines, but really just looking for some attention.

6. The testosterone boys, who are so in love with themselves you should never feel self conscious working out around them cuz they don't care about what you are doing. They are too involved with their own beauty.

7. The bitchygay guys checking out ur ass and thinking to themselves how u should hit the stair climber a little harder.

8. THE FAT TRAINER!! WTF! Those who can't ...teach. Ugh no! I will not pay hundreds of dollars for some fat guy to tell me to lay off the carbs, NO FREAKIN WAY.

9. The five minute work outs. The people who you see come in and leave before you even finish ur first set.

10. The fuckin skinny bitch who walks in half naked with her VENTI CARMEL FRAP WITH WHIP CREAM! Or the gym reception who is eating donuts on Sunday morning! OR the girls downing 3 gateraids in 20 minutes.

I wish I could wear my invisible cloak to the gym and sunglasses and a nose plug. Law school WILL make me fat, no doubt.