When the Newness wears off

They say it takes between 4 and 6 weeks to kick a "habit." That thrill of the new life and the new things that happen as a result of kicking a habit just goes away. It's not fun after that.

My recent breakup was just as anti climatic as our whole relationship. No drama, no tearful reunions---nothing. So here I am, home on a Sunday night feeling a little restless, bored, and just a little off. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret the situation. In fact the longer I have to think about it, the more sure I am that it was for the best. But now what? Time to start planning some new goals and forcing myself to keep busy. Go to the gym? Anything. I need to go to the gym.

My guy BFF#2 who is also my roommates BFF since 7th grade :) told me a bunch of nice things about myself. And the thing is I truly DO NOT hear or believe him. He says these things and I think he is just trying to be nice. I really need to learn how to believe in myself and change my self concept because maybe I am as great as he says.

Last night BFF#2's husband must have told me 100 times "I can't believe how beautiful you are." I know this sounds weird and wrong, but it was innocent. I took a lot of time to groom myself last night. These two young boys (23) years old were also gushing over me. The thing is, my behavior and response to them probably screamed, "IM UGLY WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME!!" And we all know that's a huge turnoff. So somehow some way I have to feel pretty inside so when people compliment me I can take it the right way.

I am not beautiful, trust me. But when I try--really try I can look pretty good. But it's makeup and hair. Natural me is just blah. I feel so conceited writing this. I'm just thinking how LSBoy never once told me I was beautiful, nor did he ever verbally compliment me. It made me feel VERY ugly. Your boyfriend is supposed to make you feel like the prettiest girl in the world! Because in his eyes you are. I missed out on that.