Monday, January 30, 2012

Rediscovering My Womanhood and My timely Insight

First for the not so fascinating but timely Insight click here

I am 100% addicted to the Huffington Post. Mostly, because they have a Divorce column which I find to be very interesting. Ok, now that I got that off my chest on to more interesting topics.

In the past I have written exhaustively about my sexuality and how important it is to me. My last relationship was about as passionate as you feel cleaning the litter box. Actually, even that gives me more satisfaction. Anyway, this coldness made me very bitter. I began to hate myself, more than I already did, because why didn't this man desire me? What was wrong with me? This was a situation I had NEVER encountered. His excuse was "I always get like this in long term relationships." I used to tell him, "one day a girl is going to light you on fire, it's just not me for some reason." At least I was honest with myself. It can't be that he will live his whole life like that, can it? If so, man that will suck for his future wife.

Slowly but surely I am feeling like a girl again. I am learning to appreciate my curves, and my pretty eyes, and I just want to look pretty. I want to glow. So I generally try to look happy---fake it till you make it right? Well, maybe I met a boy and maybe he found a way to wake me up and maybe his attention reminds me that I am desirable. He's very cute, is generally smart, successful, older than me and is OK with the fact that I don't want kids. Most men cringe when I say that. Not to say that I intend to actually let this become anything but it is nice to be reminded that I am a woman.

2 comments:

meymey said...

Hello! I've been catching up on your blog, so sorry to hear things w/LSB didnt work. but onward and upward i say! besides, it sounds to me like you could do better! And congrat on being almost done! I graduated last spring, suffered through barbri and the bar exam and miraculously passed! havent been blogging at all, too busy working a real job. i thought after lawschool i'd have more free time, somehow that hasnt materialized. anyway, just wanted to say hi, hope all is well, and good luck w/you last semester and the bar!

JD-Maybe said...

@meymey: CONGRATS DARLING!!!! Im so happy for you!

Yeah LSBoy and I fizzled but the whole thing may have just been an illusion. YOu know the law school bubble we live in. Now that the end is approaching, life is changing. You must tell me about your job! Do you have any tips for Barbri studying? Take care! Keep in Touch!