Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Peacefully numb

My baby is gone but me and my other baby slept like we haven't sleep in a month. It is very peaceful around here. I do feel kinda numb and empty. If I burn in hell it might be worth it. I drank myself into a stupor last night and cried hysterically until my eyes were so swollen I couldn't keep them open. It's weird because this whole thing has made me doubt my faith. Is there really a heaven? Is my kitty really better off?

I swear to god I will NEVER in my life EVER get another animal again- AND this has also reaffirmed my not wanting kids. The heartbreak is more than I can handle. Watching Sammy hurt himself and be so miserable these last two weeks almost drove me insane.

Today we are supposed to get our grades. Chances are tomorrow I will be hysterical for a whole other reason. GREAT. If I had one wish it would be to have one single day of no stress and peace and I would wish that for my sissy too. If all this is supposed to make me stronger than I will be as strong as steel by the time this month is over. What a way to start the new year.

On a happier note...I got to see my friend yesterday and her sweet lil baby boy! That was fun. She made me a yummy dinner and we chatted and she reminded me why I love her so much. ;) Then I came home and my roommate tried so hard to make me feel better, he offered to wash my car, and he made arrangements to empty out his office (which is the better room) so that I can move into it. It has two huge windows. woohoo! Love me some windows. He also takes all my decorative advice and we are working on his house. Him letting me give him input and then doing it makes this place feel more like home every day. I love that he likes my ideas. He even bought two pictures that I chose and hung them in the hall. :)

In the larger scope of things life is good. I miss my baby but time heals everything....right?

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