Friday, November 13, 2009

Nothing Feels Right

I have this eery nagging gut feeling that everything is wrong. After spending an hour reading I hate law school blog posts I had a meltdown. And this melt down occurred right before class. So I went to class with bloodshot eyes and tissue particles all over my eyelashes. At one point Twinkle Toes hysteria about concurrent ownership sent me into panic mode and the tears almost fell but I managed to hole them back.

My life doesnt feel right. In some way or many ways I am not being true to myself and I don't know how to pinpoint it. There could be a million things I am doing or not doing that are just against my normal tendencies. Not only do I feel sick but I am creating distance between me and LSBoy and my friends too. I just don't feel good.

I've run out of strength to fight the thoughts I have. There was a time when I could manipulate my thoughts and straighten out but lately I'm tired. Thirty ONE years of struggling to be--just be. I'm never present,EVER I am always in my thoughts. Dwelling on yesterday and trying to deny or ignore tomorrow. I don't really have any dreams or passion right now. You really can't understand what law school does to you until you experience it. I've heard many people say they felt the way I do now when they were in law school but I figured they were overreacting.


Anonymous said...

Keep your head up! I know the feeling and it's part of the crap shoot that is law school. You can do this.

Eliza said...

Let me know if there is something that I can do. There isn't any real advice to give on this. From what I have gotten from others, these are completely normal feelings. How f'ed up is that that these feelings are normal?

Please, for me, have a good day be it with or w/out LS boy. A massage, a nice meal, absolutely zero LS work, even a nap. Let me know how it goes.

DLee said...

Well the good thing is you know that others have experienced the same feelings and they made it out alright. I'm a 1L too. We will survive this year!

Metal said...

Grad school is always tough- on your body, mind and relations. But then, life isn't about running away from the storm, its about dancing in the rain that follows. Hope you feel better soon!

Kristina said...

I completely understand. I'm a part-time 1L and have been feeling completely lost lately. Have actually been looking--fairly seriously--at other grad school options. I guess we just have to figure out if this is what we really want to do...or rather, if there is a goal for after school--that requires the JD--that is really what we want to do..(Because I don't think anyone wants to be in law school just for the heck of it.) I think the key is to have something to work towards... I don't know. I'm rambling--I apologize. But I hope you figure things out.

JD-Maybe said...

thank you for the encouragement...and thanks for checking out my blog :)

Anonymous said...

What you are experiencing is, unfortunately, completely normal. 1L year of law school is designed to psychologically break a person with too much work, too much information, too much unfamiliarity, and unbelievable pressure on getting the highest of grades despite the harshest of curves. It is extremely difficult to get through, but take heart in the fact that you are nearly half-way through the worst of it.

And some good news--the 2nd and 3rd years of law school will slowly build you back up, in the image of a lawyer no less.

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