Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Decisions-Quantum Mysticism or is it Physics?

Last Sunday I happened to catch "Super Soulful Sunday" an Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah is not my favorite and not for a good reason. Mainly her influence on the masses scares me. It makes me think that the people, as it were, are too easily influenced by her and too impressionable. Almost, like she could be a cult leader. I digress. Thanks to Oprah you get the "Super Duper Long Blog Post."

The theme "soulful" was based on a series of books written by both authors Gary Zukav and Linda Francis. Consciousness and healing are acquired by following a set of principles. Common sense principles,at that. I am a firm believer of reinforcement, just because you knew or know something, doesn't mean you should not remind yourself periodically and frequently if it is a matter of your quality of life. The show put me in tears, bittersweet tears because I could relate to all the negative things these principles are aimed at dealing with. At the same time I was reminded of my interest in Quantum Consciousness, I am aware of the skeptics and the arguments against it's validity but I chose to have faith in it. Plus there is significant scientific proof that it could be true. Here is a short outline I found here:

Focus on what I can learn about myself all the time, especially from my reactions—such as anger, fear, jealousy, resentment and impatience instead of judging or blaming others or myself.
Notice my emotions by feeling the physical sensations in my energy centers.
Notice my thoughts such as planning my reply, judging, analyzing, comparing and day-dreaming.
Notice my intention such as blaming, judging, needing to be right, wanting admiration, escaping into thoughts, intellectualizing and trying to convince.
Take responsibility for my feelings, experiences and actions. No blaming.
Practice integrity at all times. This often requires action such as speaking when frightened parts of my personality don’t want to speak and not speaking when they feel compelled to speak.
Say or do what is most difficult. This includes sharing what I notice, if appropriate, when someone speaks or acts from a frightened part of her personality. Or sharing about myself what I am frightened to say and know that I need to say.
Change my perspective from fearful to loving. Choose to see myself and others in a loving or appreciative way.
Release any distance I feel from anyone.
Be present while others are speaking—not preparing replies or judging.
Conscious Communication and Action
Consult my intuition.
Choose my intention before I speak or act.
Act from the healthiest part of my personality that I can find, rather than caretaking, fixing, teaching, judging, blaming or gossiping.
Speak personally and specifically rather than generally and abstractly. Use "I" statements rather than "we" or "you" statements.
Release attachment to the outcome. Trust the Universe.
If I find myself attached, begin again with Commitment, Courage and Compassion.

Everyone remembers, the most recent opiate of the masses, also known as the book/movie "The Secret." Then there is Dr. Wayne Dyer and the "Power of Intention" and then the documentary "What the Bleep do we Know."

My interest in this area of physics started in 2004 when my cousin introduced me to the Documentary, What the Bleep Do We Know. I found it utterly fascinating and believable. This documentary started me on a obsessive search for more information. My belief in the power of intention became deeply embedded in my whole being. Instantly, weird coincidences began happening. I practiced the principles outlined in all of the various mediums listed above--religiously. Magic Happened. Things just started always working out for me, no matter what the circumstances were. I also started meditating. My mind and the universe were one. This may sound super hokey pokey but I would not lie about something like this.

"Physicist Roger Penrose wrote in the Shadows of the Mind that consciousness may be a quantum phenomenon. The idea was cuttingly criticised by Stephen Hawking; a summary of his criticisms was added to Penrose's book.[citation needed]"

And then of course the great Carl Jung influences all of these "psuedoscience" contentions by his work describing the "proposes that the ultimate goal of the collective unconscious and self-realization is to pull us to the highest experience. This, of course, is spiritual.

If a person does not proceed toward self-knowledge, neurotic symptoms may arise. Symptoms are widely defined, including, for instance, phobias, psychosis, and depression."

This all leads me to one very simple conclusion. The most effective way to get your soul inline with your personality is by living your life in the present. By making intentional decisions and being aware of the fact that every single decision you make has a consequence (good or bad). Ask yourself, "Why am I doint this" and be honest. So, I am re-training myself to take a moment to stop before I react to something, or make an irrational choice.

Work for example, that thankless fucking job! Today I had a mini blowout--again. I came up with all kinds of dramatic ideas to FORCE THEM TO AWKNOWLEDGE MY GREATNESS. Then I started thinking why would you do those things when the consequences of doing those things have a strong possibility of backfiring on me. And when I asked myself why I would do that, I thought---because they need to admonished for not appreciating me. Reason kicked in, and it occurred to me that --no they don't have to appreciate me--and if I can't work in an environment that does not pat backs, Im going to have real issues getting and keeping a job. My rationale is they must be stupid to not realize that if they gave me a bone once in a while it would reinvigorate me and to their benefit $$ the harder and faster I work the more $$ they get. Imagine if you made $15.00 per hour and your billing rate was $200.00 and you bill 75% of your time. Not 100% because I am also primarily responsible for all admin duties.

It's very hard to be a person who requires constant positive reinforcement due to poor self confidence and then work in an industry that will NOT EVER...EVER...EVER provide you with praise. Nor will your efforts be recognized because at the end of the day, these people hate their situations--period. No matter how large the victory seems to the attorney, the client, who is unaware of how the law works, is never happy and it's your fault. You dropped the ball. Always. This is like signing up to be mentally abused for a living. And if you are inherently defective in dealing with constant criticism it could make you insane.

It all began with this email: Me to Boss: My last day is.....I'll be back on.... Her response was ok well we need to talk about what YOU need to do before you go. Call me crazy but (a) thats your deal and (b) how about "good luck on the bar exam." I did spend 4 hours preparing a training manual for my replacements...What else do you NEED.ME.TO.DO? It just pissed me off! I stopped and I thought about why I was working there, what was my intention. That should be obvious so I wont belabor the facts. Then I decided if i make the decision to confront her about her constant bluntness, lack of appreciation, and basically my unhappiness about how nothing I do is appreciated then the consequences will either be, me quitting now or her firing me, or just burning a bridge. Not worth it so I just shut the fuck up and carried on.

These past few days there have been 100's of opportunities to act impulsively or react impulsively but then I remember...each decision has a consequence, what will it be and is it worth it. And then BAM like magic- I don't do stupid shit I regret later.
I know I am not cured, because I never will be. I am passionate and fiery-thats just who I am. But I can mitigate the damages I cause and use discretion more frequently. This shit doesnt happen over night and it wears off, its a lifelong commitment one makes towards self improvement, a higher quality of life and PEACE..... Ive fallen off the wagon plenty of times, but I just keep getting back on it because the results never cease to amaze me.

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