Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Home Sweet Home

Back in June of 2011 my sister, her husband and their four children moved to California. For eight years they lived far from me. Despite that, I would make at least an annual trip to visit them all. I fucking hate airplanes. They are cesspools of human funk. Each departure following the visit was a tragic as the first time she left. My sissy and I are truly BEST FRIENDS. Finally, she was here and close to me.

Source: bit.ly via Becky on Pinterest

After a year and a half of searching for a job, my brother in-law decided that it would be best for his family that they move back. In September 2012, they started planning their move back to that far, far, away state. In October I moved in with them temporarily to help pack and care for the kids while my sister worked nights. During those two months my sister made me feel what I never thought I could feel. Comfortable. It took me 2 hours to get home each evening from work. I'll tell you what though, having my lil niece run to me, hug me and just love on me e.v.e.r.y single day was pure bliss. I spent almost every waking moment with those kids. I talked to them, engaged them, learned about them, watched them, taught them, and loved them so very much. Now they are gone. I've done my best to hold it together because if my sister even so much as senses my sadness, she will be on the next plane out here to save me and I can't let that happen.

I have four weeks left of work until I take my bar exam sabbatical. The prospect of not being at work is scary because I don't know if I have saved enough money AND I don't think I'll be able to get all my work done.

My grandma is dying. I haven't restored my relationship with any of my family since June 2011. It's strangely peaceful. I don't know what will happen when my grandma passes. During her life, I know that I shared an intimate relationship with her. I know that she was vulnerable with me, trusted me, and probably shared more with me than any other family member. I also know that I asked her to stop doing something that almost killed my father and she ignored me. 2012 might have been one of the most bitter sweet years of my entire life. Law School ended, LSBoy and I ended, my family fell apart, my best friend (sister) left, and here I am still waiting to take this mother fucking bar exam.


Source: favim.com via Vickie on Pinterest


Canyoukeepasecret? said...

Just look at this positively: one day it will all finish, and you´ll get your family back.. or get new friends.. life brings always news ;)

Anonymous said...

And the sun will always shine! U got this!