Saturday, December 13, 2008

Home Sweet Home

I bet many of you can relate to this one.

I grew up in a City that is not very popular and pretty much a poorer version of suburbia. I spent a good ten years of my life slowly but surely migrating further and further away from this dirty lil shit hole. Ironically I ended up going to law school in this City. At first I was disgusted and even afraid. After all once you live in L.A. and let yourself be brainwashed by all the transplants you get a lil biased. Thankfully, I got my head straight.

These kids that come to L.A. from all over the country, including City's much more disgusting than my hometown, get this weird complex. I think they start to define themselves based on the hype from tv and of course the general attitude in L.A. You are only cool if you live in L.A.

However, unlike many of the people I have met in L.A., my priorities are much different. It is more important to me to be closer to school, do well, sleep and take care of myself than to party every single night with a bunch of wanna be's.

What's even better is that my very best friends live in or near my hometown which brings me immense pleasure in my few spare moments. There is something so calming about being surrounded by the people you know the best, trust, and love. Moving back to my hometown is not only going to save me a 100 mile trip (per day) but will also give me the freedom to have lunch with my favorite people, crash thier house to study, and just have company. My only friends in L.A. with the exception of my lil sisters at M-Law, are not friends at all. In fact most of them have long abandoned me since I hung up my dancin shoes. (clubbing not stripping)

Driving around the oh-so familiar streets yesterday I was so content. Everything around was just perfectly familiar. No traffic and FREE PARKING!! My days of $300 per month in tickets are LONG over and I couldn't be happier. I don't know if the pressure of exams is making me crave home or if all these years I have spent running from it are finally over. I'm done hiding from the people I grew up with. I have changed and accepted all the ugly things that have happened in life. It's time to plant some roots and get ready to be me again.

*Just for context my weird feelings about my hometown are based on a series of tragedies that occured throughout my earlier adult life. From the ages of 15-25 many people I loved dearly committed suicide, or were killed in accidents, went to jail or prison, became addicted to drugs, married assholes, had too many kids and just plain fucked up. NOT ONE of my childhood friends has a college degree. Thanfully two of them are working hard right now in college, because it is never too late to pursue your education. And its not only the people that make me sad but my life was hard when I lived there. My parents kicked me out of my house when I was 15 years old. I have lived like a gypsy ever since. Moving constantly. Its exhausting. Growing up that soon is scary and there was a lot of suffering involved. (feed cat or feed me?) Work 3 jobs or go to college? which explains why I am 30 years old and in my first year of college. Anyway, the sadness surrounding my old neighborhood and the memories that pop into my head are sometimes more than I can bare. I just have such a hard time being happy for my own successes when those I have cared about so much in life have given up on life and become failures. That was hard to say but I feel better! Time to move forward because looking at yesterday only makes me miss today.

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