Sunday, November 21, 2010

It Really Is Complicated

Tonight I watched It's Complicated with Meryl Streep and friends. That movie just might get your heart rate going if you have ever been in a long-term relationship-- then broken up for a long time-- then decide to take one last agonizing stab at a clearly dysfunctional relationship. Long after the dust has settled, hearts are mended and you feel better than he comes bursting your bubble O N E more time!

When I see a person with a new mate after ending a long term relationship I can't help but wonder how awkward and wrong that must feel. But I guess it depends on which end of that relationship you are on.

For the person with the new mate, they are probably in the honeymoon stages enjoying that "strange." And for the person without a new mate they probably wonder how anyone could take their place. After all you shared so much, so much time, so many experiences, so many tears, so much laughter, love, family, friends and just time together. How could another jump in?

Been there done that! My ex and I had 15 years of history before I cut him off this last time about 2 years ago. We dated for years at a time and separated for years at a time. But I always remember the reunions--usually something monumental happens among our group of mutual friends that ultimately brought him and I face to face once again. Unfortunately in those 15 years there were funerals of our friends, weddings, baby showers, incarceration, and on and on. For the most part I have given all those "mutual friends" up. He can have them. It's easier that way.

Anyway, I can remember all those mistakes, all those times we let the heat of the moment lead us to believe we could be good together. Familiarity fogs our rationale, it's another chance to fix all the wrongs of the past. Things are different now those problems we had in the past don't exist. W R O N G! It's always fun at first and always ends the same.

The movie made me smile, I felt nostalgic for a minute but only a minute. Just like the ending in the movie, I find myself appreciating the situation I am in now. Things are different now, I am different, I have blossomed and grown in ways that just wouldn't mesh with certain lifestyles. And now I spend hours in bed discussing life and important issues. We read legal cases and listen to live oral argument for fun. I am unconventional and slightly offended by social norms and traditions, I don't want to follow the rules but I want to make them, and I found the guy who is just as strange as me. So we do things our way and I let the past stay buried in the past for NOW ON! No matter what I will never go backward again!

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