God makes me Cry and become very Curious?

Today I went to my dad's and he helped me get new tires for my car. (which is not hard by the way) Then took me to a casino to gamble (which I hate), then to grammas house again, then to church, (WTF?!?) then dinner, now home.

Church makes me cry. I can not explain it. Whenever I go to church which is seldom, I get emotional. Some people call this "Catholic Guilt." I managed to supress my urge to melt down in church for no reason and instead spent a good portion of the time distracting myself . Everyone got judged today not only by god but by me too! Ha! Looking around the crowded holy building... I wondered and wondered and wondered until my retarded ass almost exploded with wonder......

"Does he beat her ass behind closed doors"
"Why would you let your kid wear jeans to church?"
..then I stared at everyones asses and wondered why they wore such unflattering jeans
...then I moved down to their shoes
...then I picked at my manicure
...then I started thinking about doing drugs to loose weight ...thoughts progressed as time passed
"Does he.....with those boys?"
"Nah they look tough"
"Did all of those people really go to confession before taking communion"
"I can't believe all those people take communion without going to confession"
"Im not going up there for communion Ill catch on fire"
"Ok, Maybe God wants me to be better that means Ill have to stop being mean"
"Ugh will being a good christian get me better grades?"
"Probably not ...forget it"
"Damn...all they want is money...forget it for real this time I can't afford to come to church all the time."
"Hmmm are the singers American Idol rejects?"
"Why is that lady crying?"
"That guy is def. a cop, ok new game spot the cops"
"Dang there are a lot of asians here...mmmm I like them asian boys maybe I could pickup here"
"No way dude I am NOT holding your hand for this prayer...You just hold gods hand --ok!"
"Since I don't know the prayer....and everyone else clearly does should I be reading the book?"
"to hell with that book...shit I said hell...shoot I said shit...whew prayer over."
"Fuck! I hate this peace be with you shit!! It's so awkward."
"Im sneaking out while they do communion"

and that we did....me, pops and the senorita--bailed through the back door. If I rot in hell you are coming with me! ;) xoxo

What now?

You mean I have to actually read these outlines after I make them? How is everyone studying? What are you doing? Help?

Don't let gramma bake

My second favorite memory from Thanksgiving. (my aunt reminded me today)

One year my aunt and I were on dessert duty. I had brought two delicious pies that my dad's ex girlfriend made, we'll call her dirtbag for short. Anyway, my grandpa wouldn't let me bring the pies into the kitchen. He insisted I leave them in the laundry room. It seemed bizzare but I just did what he asked. Then the truth came out-- my poooooor grandma tried to make pumpkin pie. My grandpa wanted to make sure everyone ate it so he had me hide the good pies. I'm not sure exactly what she put in it or why it was watery and half frozen but...

While my aunt and I were serving the pie we noticed how disgusting it looked so we buried each piece under four inches of whip cream. Then I went and got the good pie out of the laundry room and her and I ate that pie. We sat in the kitchen cracking up watching everyone else choke down the disgusting pie. It was great! I love you gramma but cooking is not one of your talents. And yes I did inherit her horrible cooking skills.

Happy Thanksgiving

Gotta love it when your MOM sends you a text message saying "happy thanksgiving." ridiculous. Anyway, Im not taking a break suckers. I'm taking my torts outline to dinner and I dont give a shit how obnoxious it is. Can you tell how excited I am that my day is being interrupted for this holiday.

I really am grateful in fact I express my appreciation almost daily for all of my blessings.

Great jobs and no chance at passing

No-one...I repeat NO-ONE knows how to blow it like me. Here's what happened.

11:00 am IM from friend/ex coworker (sort of) he has a lead on a great job. We exchange information and minutes later I am in touch with the girl. She is very nice. I apply for the job....the wrong job.....TWICE. Let me tell you about this firm. It's huge! They offer flexible schedules, tuition reimbursement, corporate gym passes, and all kinds of other benefits. Voted top 100 places to work in the Country. BIG LAW!

Finally, I manage to apply for the right one. All is fine. We correspond back and forth a few times then I get in the shower. One missed call! Holy shit! I call her back. Surprise!!!! The position requires litigation experience. I don't have litigation experience. Not only did I apply for the wrong job showing my apparent lack of detail orientation but I send a "thank you anyway" email with a glaring typo. Awesome.

Then I get to Contracts.....good ol' contracts. Now that I know how to handle all this drama the freakin class is over! Professor K says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The news is that you are a very solid class. In my five years of teaching you all are one of my strongest 1L classes. The bad news is that instead of 5 people competing for the top spots there are about 30, so good luck. Oh and by the way I will fail no less than 5 of you and no more than 10. Have a good Thanksgiving!"

Its going to be a rough week. I am fucking determined!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

I love U Dad!

Thanksgiving.

How many people have Thanksgiving Day stories that changed their life? I’m willing to guess tons of people do. Some people are stressed out because their prized pecan pie just isn’t right, or their cousin isn’t showing up because of some stupid family drama, or the spare bedroom renovations won’t be done in time for guests. Other people are stressed because they have to pack up the family, take time off work, and travel (money is tight). Maybe a sad anniversary pops up to put a damper on the day. Or the despair of unemployment finally becomes a reality as Christmas veers its ugly little head. Being the romantic that I am --I believe there are a few gracious people out there who are excited and enjoy the day for what it’s worth: good food and family.

This post is dedicated to my dad who taught me last year that when the going gets rough I could handle anything. Everything family related in my life is unorthodox-- to put it mildly (borderline dysfunctional). My Mom is in another state and I pretty much unofficially wrote her off about ten years ago. She spent the first 19 years of my life disappointing me, putting me down, and leading me in all the wrong directions. So in this life my family...my immediate family as in immediately available to visit is just him and I.


Last year my aunt and uncle planned Thanksgiving Day at their house. My uncle is an amazing cook and we were all looking forward to my cuzin’s husbands pumpkin cheesecake. Unfortunately for me, my dad became seriously ill. Exactly one week before Thanksgiving I got a phone call at work that my dad was at the urgent care for an arm infection. Turns out he waited to long to see a Dr. and had a rad staph infection in his arm which needed to be treated with some super duper strength anti biotics. After several tests they decided that his blood pressure was too high and he needed to be admitted for more testing and observation. His arm was humongous and he was in bad shape. My dad is only 52 and other than his filthy smoking habit he is in good shape. I hustle down to the hospital and prepare to take care of him for a day. That evening.... lets just say my dad had a little reaction to the painkillers and the nurses found him out in front of the hospital, face down in the grass. I had already driven back to L.A. and planned to work half day then return to the hospital. The nurse called me at 6am and frantically insisted I come back because my dad was completely incoherent. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life.

To make a super long sad story shorter I saw a side of my dad that my 28-year-old brain was not ready for. He was too young for this. He was reduced to an infant that week. The roles were reversed. I had to be around at all times the accommodations were less than comfortable. The poor guy would be choking his mouth was so dry and the fucking staff would leave him without water for hours. They basically put him in the room and ignored him while a brain specialist and infectious disease dr. took turns guessing about what could be wrong with him. Which we never really found out exactly what caused the infection or why he had such strange reactions to it. He developed a migrane that made him puke, super high blood pressure, he was incoherent, and his arm was taking a long time to heal.

The eve of Thanksgiving the Drs. wouldn’t release him because they couldn’t get approval for this crazy antibiotic from his insurance. They wanted to have him on an I.V. at home. That feeling of helplessness activates an instinctual survival mode that is indescribable until you actually live it. I turned into the bionic woman. After five long days of me sleeping on his couch, taking care of his stupid dog, bringing him clothes, food, and entertaining him, not to mention making sure he ate, slept, bathed, and dealing with his visitors, I had enough. I took his credit card out of his wallet, went to the desk and told those mother fuckers, who treated him like a second class citizen all week, to give me the fucking prescription, I drove to Walgreens and paid for it in full. $5 thousand dollars later (no joke) my dad was at home. (he was reimbursed by his insurance, I made sure of that!)

The next day, my life in shambles-- because I had neglected everything to be with him I reluctantly shower and get dressed to join him for our Thanksgiving dinner. We spent the afternoon, just him and I, devouring the food my aunt and uncle packed up for us. That day my dad looked at me differently. I have to say to see the pure contentment on my dads face, enjoying the simple things, eating good food, and watching football with me was worth all the money in the world. (Maybe thats how parents feel about their kids?) There were many details left out of this story but lets just say I was pushed to the limits and beyond that week and forever I will remember Thanksgiving as the day my dad learned that he could count on me no matter what.

I hope this year we can all put the economy, politics and old dumb bad feelings aside to remember that no matter what we are blessed. Love your family and be good to each other.

Trapped on an Island

Just me and my contracts shit on a deserted Island. Im so over this. I need reality.

Update* Break-up #2 occurred at apparently 0700 hours. (Is that how you say it?) Next door. Fucking Asian mail order bride (not kidding) and old man husband finally almost killed each other. I've been egging them on for months. They fight and I yell, "Just freakin kill each other already." I promise I will not feel bad if they really do it. They disgust me.

She is obnoxious, if I was married to her Id kick her ass every day and twice on Sunday! Poor old fucker. He is pretty obnoxious too but my god. She apparently sells her ass on the Internet and he apparently checks her email. After which he calls her 400 times then he calls the man she is with 500 times, then she shows up an hour later and they fight about how much money she makes selling her ass. Its fascinating to say the least. Today the cops came and took her ass to jail. Which means I will get a quiet night for once.

Then the guy across the street came up to me to tell me that his motorcycle was damaged by some guys trying to steal it, then another guy came up and said he was robbed at gun point on the corner of our street. My building is approximately one building away from that corner. Being that I get home after midnight three nights a week I am feeling quite safe. I'm torn. I guess I'll leave my books and laptop in my trunk just in case. If I got robbed I wouldn't care as long as my books and computer are safe. I ain't got no money. They would have to kill me to rape me so.....I guess I'll be ok. Night terrors are sure to ensue. Wonderful....can't wait.

god what a grump I am

Successful Saturday

Operation clean out cobwebs and organize "tool box" is underway! I have managed to TRASH everything I ever received from LAW and finished contract outline. Now Im reading through case notes adding to outline and refreshing my memory.

I am missing my best friend's daughters birthday party but I'll make it up to her......when I'm 50 or so.

"Pain kills Pain," she said.

Break up #1 resulted in a fresh -n painful new tattoo...we all have our own ways of healing. My thoughts are with you Disney.

Oh.... I'm not feeling very loved these days....NO COMMENTS! You can't tease me like that....comment then don't for days!!! Where are my people at? I miss you!! :)

Happy Friday. I'm getting geared up for the organization of the tool box marathon weekend!

p.p.s

Break-up #1 happened yesterday! Toooooold you so! I will be keeping a running tab to prove that this time of year is ripe with break ups, it never fails.

Purgatory

What an awkward feeling..there is light at the end of the tunnel but it's a train! That was the best articulation of how I feel today. It's the calm before the storm, the in between time, that eery quiet moment before you officially lose your mind. There is time to breathe but the uneasy feeling hasn't quite subsided. Am I forgetting something, is something due, are you sure we don't have to read anymore, is there really only one class left? Holy freakin shit!!

My "toolbox" consists of several different binders stuffed full of notes, handouts, and practice exams all out of order and mixed up. Where do I begin? Organization is one of my stronger points but this appears to be hopeless. I'm really confused right now. In between my ears you will find nothing but cobwebs. This weekend I must get a handle on this. The problem is when faced with chaos I resort to the trash can and when that happens....I usually end up tossing very important papers in my hasty attempt to clear the cobwebs. A few deep breaths, no coffee, and a clear mind will be in order. I will sort, organize, file, and toss as necessary. Monday I will have a coherent plan of action which does not include studying in the law library.

The best way to avoid a panic attack is to stay away from the freak outs. You can find the freakouts aka 1Ls at the law library at any time of the day or night. They spend most of their time chain smoking and loitering in front of the building. Or discussing Taco Tuesday or who is screwing who. It can be distracting, disappointing, and nerve racking, I will steer clear. That's the plan.

On a happier note-we have spring starts which means I will no longer be one of the new kids on campus. A whole new cohort starts in January. Suckers. Now I can walk around giving them dirty looks and laughing at their misery the way everyone did to my cohort. Nah, I wouldn't do that.

Oh I passed legal research. haha! Really I did.

p.s. you know people are getting weird when they notice you have a fresh pedicure...I don't wear sandles that often, I prefer shoes. Anyway today I decided to go get pampered before class with a spa pedi and mani. I wore sandles since it is 85 degrees in California. Anyway this girl says to me, "Ohhh I wish I had time to get a pedicure." WTF are you serious? First of all...why did you notice that? Secondly, you work 15 hours a week and go to school part time!! I work 30 hours a week live an hour away from school and it only took one hour for the pedicure anyway! I was annoyed.

Interesting things about today...

My torts class was overtaken by the daytime "kids" and kids they were.
I spent at least 20 minutes watching a guy meticulously peel his orange (I'm not exaggerating)
I got into a little dispute with the cocky 3L guy who wants to eat my kidneys (at least he looks hungry)

Today at school I learned the following and all from the same girl:

1. In Missouri 1980 it was legal to kill a Mormon on the spot for no reason (did not fact check any of this)
2. Happy Birthday is a copywritten song and that's the excuse (for not singing it) she told her boss when he told her to sing to some customers at the restaurant she works at
3. Steak n Shake (WTF is that?) has the best cheese fries
4. GM should die
5. Hand sanitizer is really bad for you
6. Adderall solves every problem

uh..yeah that's all I got...Hey Tom, take me out with a bong rip

Slut!

Professor K was on fire again!

R.R. v. M.H.
689 N.E. 2d 790 (1998)

(Case regarding Surrogacy)

Professor K: "Why is the court using a surrogacy law that discusses the father's rights as a sperm donor, when the case is regarding the natural mother's rights?"

"By the way the U.C.C. does not apply unless you are giving birth to baby animals."

Student: "Lets say we are married (talking to professor) and we want to have a kid....(she proceeds with a long rambling confusing hypo)"

Professor K: "Oh great not only are you using me to be your fake husband, I'M MARRIED but I'm sterile too, I don't like where you are going with this."

PAYBACK!

Professor K directed at his student wife: " Why do we have the cooling off period for mothers of four days before they have to give up their baby?" "Because lets say [student] is 16 and giving birth to an illegitimate child CUZ SHE'S A SLUT and her parents are unduly influencing her to get rid of the baby...."

I can't believe he called her a slut but she was a good sport! That guy is gonna get himself in trouble one of these days! I just love him!

Then a student asks the professor, "why do police get to threaten people with criminal prosecution and we can't?"

Other Student: "Because they are authorized agents."
Me under my breath but I guess to loud...."Oh yeah sure Authorized agents of duress...sure."

(whole freakin class is cracking up and I am beet red....) That was def. one of those I guess you had to be there mixed with a class full of exhausted 1Ls who would laugh at anything ..situations.

Tis' the Season for Break-ups! Yay!

The worlds best I-Pod mix aka my B.F.F inspired me today. Lily Allen with the voice of an angel spoke to me….I figured I should spread the joy!

Happppy Holidayssss!!! It’s breakup season! Yes my friend your loved one is being told by some of the worlds slimiest pigs to dump YOU before the holidays! The rationale behind this lovely advice is that dumping the woman gets you off the hook for meeting the family and buying her gifts.

Here is a lil’ song to warm your heart and keep you sane during those lonely nights.

"Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time
Did you want some kind of reaction…well ok that’s fine
Alright, How would you feel If I told you …you never made me cum
In the year and a half that we spent together yeah I never really had much fun

all the times that I said I was sober well Im afraid I lied
Id be lying next to you and you next to me all the while I was high as a kite
I could see it in your face as you break it to me gently,yeah you must really think ur great
Well lets see how you feel in a couple of weeks when I wipe my way*****

Chorus: IIIIIIII never wanted it to end up this way, you’ve only got urself to blame
Im going to tell you that your rubbish in bed now and that you're small in the game

So you thought this was gonna be easy well you are a lop
Yeah lets rewind…lets turn back time…to when you couldn't’t get it up
You know why should I end it there…that’s when I shoulda shown you the door
As if that weren’t enough to deal with you became premature

I'm sorry if you feel that im being kinda mental but you left me in such a state
Now I'm gonna do to you what you did to me…gonna reciprocate
Chorus…

You re not big you're not clever no you're not a big brother not big whatsoever"

Fabulous! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Gucci, Channel, Coach or LV?

Remember the days when every girl 12 and up had a $300-$1,000.00 purse? Well I never did. I used to watch these people who had mysteriously gone from rags to riches parade around town in their $300 jeans and think....where the hell do they get the money for this shit? Personally, it seems tacky to roll around town with your $300 jeans and $700 purse and your $12 target shirt and no gas in your car...(priorities a lil mixed up?) But now--no more purses and jeans and still not gas for your car.

I'm speaking about people I know personally, not necessarily friends but just people I know. With the economy sinking I find myself in the same spot I was back when the purse thing started--broke. The difference between me and them is I never became accustomed to a better way of living. Shit if I have quarters for laundry and fresh produce I am perfectly content. The point is the economic recession has not affected me yet. Well not directly. This is how it has put a damper on my day, and believe me I feel lucky that this is all I live without.

1. Compliments of the Boss man--No more huge breakfast spreads at work every Monday from the gourmet deli with cold cuts and salads for lunch. (food lasted till Weds) Never had to grocery shop.
2. Compliments of the Boss man--no more bottled water
3. Compliments of the Boss man--no more parking in structure
4. Compliments of the family--Gramma and Aunt didn't send the usual $ for the bday this year. First time in my life either for them didn't send a card?!?
5. Compliments of my Dad-- Significantly cut the bday $$ he is still very generous but I took a $300 cut this year.
6. No one will eat lunch out with me anymore (saving money)
7. Groceries are more expensive than eating out when you are single! Target has half loafs of bread now though!!

That's pretty much all so far. It's a good time to be a student. Even though I am a non trad student it's still acceptable for me to be broke. And it's not like I'm starving trust me the cupboards are loaded with cheezits, cookies, and gummy bears. I also added a few choice veggies and milk this week ;)

Keep ur chins up kids this is all gonna be a-ok, it always is!!

The Monday List

Sometimes, at very random times in my life, I am a complete tight ass with money. There are things I have needed for some time now. Yesterday I bit the bullet and bought the following items:

• A fan (my lil house has no air circulation and it bothers me)
• A new alarm clock (my other one was 8 years old and falling apart) with an ipod attachment :)
• A desk lamp (my house no longer resembles a mental hospital with every light on at odd hours)

And guess what....I don't feel guilty. Actually I am quite pleased.

Here is my Monday List.


1. I woke up on time and was able to do my hair for work!!! (and everyone noticed lol)


2. I only ate 2 oreo's today


3. I took a four hour nap in the middle of the day


4. I was super productive at work today


5. My boss bought me lunch (and I ate spinach!! :) )


6. I only drank 3 cups of coffee


7. One of my fave blogs put me on her blog roll and my traffic has increased a lot!!! Thanksss!!



8. Today is my favorite and only sisters bday



9. My house is clean



10. No parking tickets in a couple of weeks!



Wow that is substantial....(sarcasm) oh well that was a shitty post. If you want to read some good stuff go check out this blog.

Battle of the Forms

Professor K gave us a 2-207 question. It wasnt so bad.

The lil' blue house broke my heart on Sat. because it just wasn't perfect. Oh well moving on. I'm handling business today, buying some damn food so I can quit living off of ridiculous crap like gummy bears and wine. Yes, my diet is evolving. It went from a cheeze it fetish to a gummy bear obsession? I could think of better more productive ways to satisfy my cravings but I just don't have time-- so i eat junk instead. My body hates me...This week I am going to repair it...detox from this sugar and get some damn vitamins in my poor body.

I'm off to Trader Joes :) and Target. Then coming home to clean the shit hole and study for the rest of the evening. All i have left on my Contracts outline is unconscionability, duress, and infants, for Torts all I have left is Proximate Cause and then..........I'll go through my briefs pencil in some shit to add to the outlines, then final draft--print--tab and learn the fucking law.

All this work and I havent even memorized the law yet. I know that's the easy part but I can't help but be afraid that I don't get through it all. I'm done reading for both classes. Shit! I forgot I have to finish my final draft memo tonight. Oops. Ok off to work!

HAPPYYYYYY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISSY!!! I <3 U BIG MUCH!!!!!!

Got some Cheese to go with that Wine?

As a matter of fact I do not but I sure wish I did...Contracts makes me so hungry....or maybe that is boredom? Tomorrow is practice exam #200 for contracts. I am almost done with my outline and to cope-- I have resorted to drinking. Maybe not too conducive to a coherent outline but we will soon find out. God, is it over yet?

Tomorrow I get to go see the lil' blue house that stole my heart. It is a two bedroom old craftsmen house with a beautiful backyard, hardwood floors and windows everywhere. I am so excited--the rent is right up my alley and it is one block away from school. Not the best neighborhood but this particular street looks just fine. Plus, I am already madly in love with the lil' blue house. I sure hope they like me so I can have it.

Ok, I'm gonna crack open another bottle of wine since i drank my last beer. And keep plugging away all by myself--me and my newly acquired big belly and my contracts book tearing it up on this lovely Friday night.

I wonder if guys eat more when they are stressed out? I consumed a small salad for lunch, nothing for breakfast, 8 Oreo cookies a lean cuisine, a beer, a glass of wine and going on another all today and pretty much sat on my ass all day too. Maybe that doesn't sound like a ton of food but I do not ever consume that many cookies in one day (except the time I ate an entire box of thin mints) and I really don't have a huge appetite in general. I guess school makes me hungry..righhhht.

Maybe I should have opted for coffee tonight instead of booze? Oh well that pretty lil' blue house will keep me happy for now.

Have a great weekend--xoxo

Professors are getting Nutty

Professor K:

"So I hear you have a memo due. That is the excuse of the hour for not doing the Contracts reading. It's just not fair. See the cases on the board...that's right I am assigning a memo too. Now you can go to your legal writing professor and tell him that you don't have time to do his memo because you need to work on mine."

Professor K:

"The poor lil old lady believes she is a good dancer. Do you mean to tell me that she should trust the dance instructor...so much so that she pays thousands of dollars for dance lessons--even though she can't hear the beat of the music?"

"John does that mean you believe your prostitute lover when she tells you what a stud you are? I bet you think she really loves you too....awe....poor guy."

Half the class turns various shades of red and the other half, me included is laughing themselves to tears.

He goes on...

"My new favorite show is the Real Housewives of Atlanta, there is this white lady on there named Kim and she thinks she can sing....Who does that remind you of?"

"People in California don't have roaches, in Texas where I come from they crawl out of your mouth every morning, it doesn't stop us from buying houses."

"Don't worry guys I am writing a Contracts Text book and it will be filllllled with Intoxication cases."

Professor Blinky: "DID YOU know......(very excitedly) that there is a statute of limitations on debt? If you get sued and the statute of limitations is up YOU can claim it as a defense." "Did you guys hear that YOU don't have to pay your debts."


Professor K: "If you ever have a client who wants out of an input contract ...just tell him to order waaaaaay more than the person can possibly manufacture, then when he can't provide the goods, fire him and viola no breach for you!" "But really don't do that it's really unethical."

Professor Torts: "Ok guys you can stop reading now....we're done." (WTF we have two more class meetings?)

Wow the end of the semester is like night and day compared to the beginning. We hit the ground running and now we are all half asleep and everyone is ok with it. Something is fishy...I'll have to re-evaluate this after finals...Why are they giving us so much time to prep? I must not have any idea what is in store for me.

My Secret...

There will undoubtedly be eye rolling at this post. In the past I have dabbled with meditation with some interesting results. Lets just say I noticed a lot of coincidences and things just working out all the time. The problem is that I am not dedicated enough to put 10-20 minutes aside daily-- to do it. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks either. (again)

Anyway, I was thinking back on the days when I meditated regularly and remembered how different my perspective was. You see when your mind is chaotic like mine and you spend all of your time dwelling on either the past or the future you are said to be "not present." Meditation clears the chaos and allows you to focus.

I know this probably sounds super ridiculous but my strangeness should come as no surprise by now. When it comes to my weird personality quirks I have no shame. The nightmares HAVE to go so I began meditating again to try and calm my spazmic ass down. It's working.

So...what do i do to meditate? The meditation technique I use is a mixture of shit I have picked up here and there. Before I go to bed I repeat several words in my head over and over and over and over again blocking out any other thoughts. If something leaks through or I loose focus I just start over. My mantra has been......get ready to die laughing at how cheesy I am....nevermind I can't do it! It's really that bad. I will tell you that the words I repeat are well wishes to my classmates. You get what you put out there and you attract what you are-- that is a fact. Wishing them well makes me well. If you are not a meditation type person, and I find most are not, try gratitude it works the same. Think of all the things you should be grateful for and awknowledge those people or things. Almost a half a week without a night terror.

I promise I will have something horrible and sarcastic and evil to say tomorrow. The sweet angel part of me seeps out sometimes and I can't control her. Sorry...

Sometimes they call me Heidi...

About my boy toy Justin Nozuka....V is nina my co-worker X is the boy im pimping her out to.

V says:
yes he is very cute and has a beautiful voice but hes all urs

V says:
i like mine scruffy

rebecca says:
X is far from scruffy

rebecca says:
although he doesnt always comb his hair

V says:
lol--told u pretty boys make me wary

V says:
thats why i like my computer nerds *sigh*

rebecca says:
he is a nerd and he aint a pretty boy

rebecca says:
im gonna use u as bait

rebecca says:
to get him to bring me a desk when i find one

V says:
thats nice -ur such a good friend =P

V says:
that was scarasm btw

rebecca says:
gotta use my assetts

V says:
u do -I know u do!

rebecca says:
everyone says to me "You friends are all so pretty"

rebecca says:
so i have to use u guys up

V says:
u abusing them now

rebecca says:
to get what i need in life

rebecca says:
he would do it anyway...but i figured id give him a lil incentive

V says:
thanks I never once thought in my life i was going to have a republican, white, lawyer girl be my pimp

V says:
dang i guess i surprised myself even

rebecca says:
just call me heidi

Don't do it...

Note to self: If you want to feel good about your writing abilities don't read blogs by established attorneys.

My writing is simple and grammatically horrific. What the hell is going on? Will I ever learn? I read everything and anything I can get my hands on. Isn't that the key to writing well? Today I was drafting a letter of recommendation for one of my law clerk/co-worker buddies and I thought to myself....the admissions board will KNOW an attorney did NOT write this. In case you didn't know, if you ask an attorney (your boss) to write you a LOR he will tell you to write it and then he will sign it. (Gee thanks) Which is why I agreed to write it for the guy. Wouldn't want the admissions board noticing the same tone and word use in the LOR as the personal statement.

I think I am going to try to become friends with that style book I have been hiding from. I love to write but my writing is crap. Why is there so many "I's" in my blog posts? Because I suck that's why. Don't tell me I am being hard on myself because I won't hear you. How about some advice? My 130 blog posts are not helping me. Is it that I just don't take it seriously enough or what? Watching this movie reminded me of how sophomoric my ideas are. BLEH! Hmmm.

Need a Good Lawyer?

Monday List

My job is awesome because:

1. I work from home 2 days a week
2. I have two monitors
3. I have a huge office with a huge window overlooking the City
4. I have a huge desk
5. I do what i want ...when i want
6. My co-workers are THE best in the entire world (hands down)
7. My boss encourages hours of intellectual discussion/debates (on his time)
8. I get paid very well
9. My boss trusts me
10. We can work any hours we want as long as we do our time.
11. We can wear whatever we want

I can go on...but I swore Id stay focused today...Lots to do ...not enought time. Thanks for the idea JMoney....

Your turn M-Law ladies...I know ur reading this ;)

The Five Stages of Death I mean Law School

Denial: I am a superstar ...awesome grades in undergrad and I will ACE law school!

Anger: THEY LIED TO ME! Balance!? What the fuck is this shit! Who are these people! I hate IT and I hate THEM. Why are there so many trampy chicks and sleezy guys? I thought this was a professional school?

Bargaining: Ok, lets be friends even though you stink-I'll just wear more perfume, you twitch-I'll twitch too, you are weird and you are SMARTER than me. If you scratch my back I'll scratch yours. Lets do study groups- I'll do all the work, lets share everything or let me share everything with you since you haven't done shit. Dear God, If you help me get through this I swear I'll shower and donate 15% of my income to some fraudulent establishment (church) called Holy whatever or another....

Depression: The library walls are closing in on me. The circles under my eyes have aged me by ten years, and study groups don't help!, Supplements don't help, I have spent so much money, wasted so much money... All I do is read, I'm learning nothing, If I hear about one more railroad accident or mental disorder created by a car accident I'll hang myself. I hate my life, I just want to sleep.....Is Walmart hiring?

Acceptance: They are not so bad. No I wont Ace this. Time for non stop studying, who cares if my cell minutes went from overages to non use. Who cares if I don't shower, who cares if I eat chips and cookies for breakfast, It doesn't matter that I no longer know how to relate to normal human beings. Everything will eventually be ok....hopefully.

Nightmare on My Street

Hi my name is Rebecca and along with sleepwalking, screaming in my sleep and not breathing in my sleep I have night terrors. Have you heard of those? Well let me tell you they are NOT fun. Here is the typical night for me, and this occurs about 1x per week, I wake up frantic, heart racing, sweating, jump out of bed, half conscious and my dream is still there.

It can be anything from thousands of spiders coming from the ceiling, hundreds of fish in my bed, people in my room, but usually its insects or reptiles. Lately snakes and frogs --last week was worms. You really don't know how horrifying this is and it gets worse when I'm under pressure (obviously). I've never talked to a professional about this because based on the research I did there is no explanation for it. This has been going on my entire life. Anyone who has roomed with me, lived with me, or spent the night with me...knows that I will snap myself out of it. So they ignore me unless I'm heading for the door.

So....my blood curdling screams or me yelling at the air saying "who are you and why are you here" are all tricks my mind is playing on me. Usually about a minute into it I start to regain consciousness at which time I sadly drag my worn out body to bed where my heart beat slows and I calm myself down. I bring this up because I decided to look at a dream interpretation website about frogs. Last night I dreamt that I was sleeping and heard a frog ribbit, I woke up and a bright green frog was on my pillow. I jumped out of bed in the dream and in real life and began frantically moving my furniture out so I could catch the thousands of frogs and throw them outside. This is when I discover the gigantasourous snake. Then I woke up. Here is what the dream bullshit said:

"To see frogs leaping in your dream, may indicate your lack of commitment. You have the tendency to jump from one thing to another. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are taking major steps toward some goal.

To dream that you are catching a frog, signifies your carelessness concerning your health.
To hear the sounds of a frog in your dream, signifies that you visit with friends will not accomplish anything that you wanted it to. "

Not so good. Now I check snakes and lizards...

'To see a lizard in your dream, signifies your primal instincts and reactions toward sex, food, etc. and your anxieties toward these feelings. The lizard can also be representative of a person who you view as cold-blooded, fearful, or thick-skinned. On a more positive note, the lizard also symbolizes emerging creativity, renewal, and revitalization. It may also suggest that you are well-grounded. "


"To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. The snake may also be seen as phallic and thus symbolize dangerous and forbidden sexuality. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes. "

Not ringing any bells....anyone ever experience night terrors or know anyone with them or how to fix them....I'm desperate for some help! One of these days my hair is going to turn gray!! My heart races so fast and my addrenalin pumps so hard this can NOT be good for me. Ive tried meditation, praying....everything. It's really fun when I have a boyfriend let me tell you :(

My job is Almost as Funny as Torts...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.(Actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

So fresh and so Clean

The rain washed away my bad attitude, that and ten hours of precious sleep...Now its game time. Back to Rebecca land for some serious Law School studying.

Took another practice exam in contracts and he tricked us. It wasnt a formation question. So....for every step forward I take ten back. But its good. Conditioning for the rat race.

Game on! good luck everyone!

More bitter than sweet...

You know what my dear democrat friends....Just because I am a republican doesn't mean I am an alien or un American!! Today in the student lounge, in a pretty conservative city, about five students were in the lounge making their comments and speaking amongst themselves. Being disrespectful and rude, in which they had every right BUT don't freakin gasp when I make a ugly faces and shake my head at McCains concession.

The only good thing that came out of this election is that we have a Black president. Even though he is barely black. That I am proud of. Other than that I am so disappointed. So now all I have to say is...you wanted this so you better freaking fix shit! And if you fuck up...which you will because all presidents do, I will gladly run your name through the gutter.

Sorry Im such a bitch but I stand behind my beliefs and I have a right to them. Hopefully, the American people know what is best because I never purported to know what is best I just know what I believe in.

Looks appealing...

Can I park at your house?

Voting No on everything...

I hate initiatives so I am voting NO on all of them. and I am voting for McCain in about 2 hours and Im dying to get the hell out of here and vote. Tonight is Contracts lets see if he breaks me tonight....he might.

Nietzsche says...

"In Heaven all the interesting people are missing." I'm sorry but that is freakin funny.

Why do you blog?

My whole life my loving mother told me how narcissistic I was. I guess I am but what I really want to know is why people blog. I would say maybe a handful of people check out my blog so it can't be that I am trying to say anything substantial that will touch or effect other people. My blogging habit began in April and I have faithfully posted since. Maybe a better explanation is that I like to hear myself talk or think. Or maybe its a coping mechanism. Being a deep thinker is a burden and there are times when I am exploding inside with strange thoughts. Instead of troubling my poor friends with my random mumblings I decided to blog.

Keeping track of my first year in law school is important to me because I can't wait to look back and laugh. (hopefully not cry) But in addition to venting I have discovered information provided by other bloggers that I may not have found had I not obsessively followed a million blogs.

None of this is going anywhere and I really have no particular point. Just feeling restless and anxious and needed to get it out. I should be studying, cleaning, doing laundry....

Not having T.V. might also be a huge factor in my blogging habit. I have no other way to relax and decompress at home. Unfortunately, in order to afford my parking tickets I can't get cable. Yes, I paid $247.00 in tickets this month! That's a whole other problem.

I would have to say the main reason I blog is to TRY and become a better writer. I haven't put much effort into being technically correct with grammar or punctuation or sentence structure but I don't feel my efforts are worthless. The bottom line is I have no time for hobbies so this is it! Oh my god this might be the worst post I have ever done yet.