Thursday, October 16, 2008

Week 10 of 15

Where are we at here...

Well I've gone from desperately seeking a study group to having people asking me if they can be in my, already tooooo big, group. More than half the class has my telephone number (and they use it) I am the "dork" who has more interest and enthusiasm than most. Outside of school my life has been a roller coaster of radical ups and downs. I haven't found an efficient study strategy yet. I haven't fallen behind...ever. I still really enjoy the classes, professors and law school in general.

Now the question is am I really mentally prepared for this "bad grade" thing. I did tons of prep reading before law school so when I got there all these so-called shocking differences didn't phase me. (i.e. the socratic method, the self teaching, competitiveness, etc.) Hopefully, the same will be said for the curve and grades.

There hasn't been any hooking up in my section at all. Most of the old folks and full time workers have significant others. Don't get me wrong I've found the cute boys (of course) but I haven't done more than admired from a-far. Based on my progress the two weeks I have planned to not work and study for finals will be productive. I won't be using that time to catch up on reading or doing an outline. I wish* I wish* I wish* I wish* I could be in the top 10%.

How is everyone adjusting? I already feel smarter and more sophisticated I can tell my way of thinking is morphing and I like it. Having the ability to analyze things the way we do makes me feel powerful! I actually feel sorry for people who don't pursue some kind of higher learning. Whether it be trade school, beauty school whatever just something that interests you and keeps your brain active. It really is a high. I also feel like I am getting more disconnected from people who don't have any kind of intellectual interests. Conversations are so shallow and non substantive and I just crave a back and forth that is mutually beneficial. (I am officially a super dork)

You know what I deserve this! I was THE trouble maker and I am not talking little trouble I am talking jail time trouble maker all through adolescence and even into my teen years. I attended continuation school where all the pregnant girls and drug addicts go, and basically lived like a juvenile delinquent until I was about 22 years old. Although that me wasn't the real me--- it did happen. I still don't really know if it is inappropriate to tell people this about me? I feel so disconnected from it--almost like it's a story and not true. Very strange feeling to have another life, a past life, that is so unbelievable to people who know me and for me to be so candid about it.

I have no shame because I am confident in the person I am now. And I blame my parents for ignoring me and sort of wiping their hands of me from the day I was born. They admit this by the way. Even though my dad, who I am very close with now beams with pride everytime I see or talk to him. I had all this drive in me from day one but had no way to channel it because I had no direction, no guidance. Now I get to be the real me....the intellectual deep thinker who is annoying and smart!

Probably the most important lesson I have learned so far is that I can't skip going to the gym. CANT. My mood is too unstable and working out keeps me very happy. That's all.

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