Sunday, November 30, 2008

God makes me Cry and become very Curious?

Today I went to my dad's and he helped me get new tires for my car. (which is not hard by the way) Then took me to a casino to gamble (which I hate), then to grammas house again, then to church, (WTF?!?) then dinner, now home.

Church makes me cry. I can not explain it. Whenever I go to church which is seldom, I get emotional. Some people call this "Catholic Guilt." I managed to supress my urge to melt down in church for no reason and instead spent a good portion of the time distracting myself . Everyone got judged today not only by god but by me too! Ha! Looking around the crowded holy building... I wondered and wondered and wondered until my retarded ass almost exploded with wonder......

"Does he beat her ass behind closed doors"
"Why would you let your kid wear jeans to church?"
..then I stared at everyones asses and wondered why they wore such unflattering jeans
...then I moved down to their shoes
...then I picked at my manicure
...then I started thinking about doing drugs to loose weight ...thoughts progressed as time passed
"Does he.....with those boys?"
"Nah they look tough"
"Did all of those people really go to confession before taking communion"
"I can't believe all those people take communion without going to confession"
"Im not going up there for communion Ill catch on fire"
"Ok, Maybe God wants me to be better that means Ill have to stop being mean"
"Ugh will being a good christian get me better grades?"
"Probably not ...forget it"
"Damn...all they want is money...forget it for real this time I can't afford to come to church all the time."
"Hmmm are the singers American Idol rejects?"
"Why is that lady crying?"
"That guy is def. a cop, ok new game spot the cops"
"Dang there are a lot of asians here...mmmm I like them asian boys maybe I could pickup here"
"No way dude I am NOT holding your hand for this prayer...You just hold gods hand --ok!"
"Since I don't know the prayer....and everyone else clearly does should I be reading the book?"
"to hell with that book...shit I said hell...shoot I said shit...whew prayer over."
"Fuck! I hate this peace be with you shit!! It's so awkward."
"Im sneaking out while they do communion"

and that we, pops and the senorita--bailed through the back door. If I rot in hell you are coming with me! ;) xoxo

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