Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Simple Life

Simplicity is relative, I know. Here's how I feel right now. I wander around this world with my head up my ass, thinking about the law, thinking about why people do what they do, and thinking about what can be changed and improved. That is a simple statement but its actually quite complex. These thoughts lead in me in a million different directions and usually leave me feeling disappointed. Too much to do and Too little time.

Then I have these experiences where I am out shopping and I watch and judge people. There is the happy young couple with their adorable little rug rat in their expensive stroller, with her big wedding ring. They look so happy.

Then I am in Walmart and the Cashier is a little rough around the edges but I imagine her troubles have to do with money and maybe some family drama.

My point is there are thousands of people who are in my opinion complacent. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I mean they are at peace with just existing and making the most out of their relationships with their family etc. They work, come home, deal with family, eat, sleep, shit and do it again.

Then the one's I am really super jealous of are the tiny cute fit housewives, they have adorable smart kids and they work out everyday, they cook dinner, they clean the house and their adoring husband comes home happy every day.

Some girls dream of wedding dresses, babies and staying at home taking care of their family.

Why are my dreams so fucking complicated, why do they suck the life out of me, why don't I have any interest in wedding dresses and babies. What is wrong with me. Why can't i be simple. Why can't I be ok with just living life. Complacency is underrated.

Someday, I might have a lot of money, although that is not important to me, I will probably be powerful, I will probably have my own law firm, I will probably drive a nice car and have 8 million purses. I will probably have botox and anything else I could have ever dreamed of but will I ever have simple pleasures?

Being me is so overwhelming and I am definitely way too dramatic I know this. The reason this is so pressing is because most of my friends and family are the people I talked about above. Some are blue collar, most are middle class, they have families, husbands, had big weddings and they are happy. I am complex and always troubled.

Maybe I am feeling this way because I will be 32 in a month and I am way too old to be in my third of four years in law school. I should be done with this shit, I should be married, with a kid or two. Instead I live the student life and I am way too old and tired for this shit. I need stability and predictability, I think.


je said...

Ohhhh man. Okay, maybe my opinion doesn't count for much because I'm married, but I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. I mean, there are times where I ask myself "WHY do you have to be that girl that insists on going to law school? Why do you have to apply for things and strive to have a certain kind of job and give a shit about your career and stress out at night when everyone else is just hanging out or eating dinner with their families?" It seems like it would be so much easier to just BE, and to just want the simple things.

JD-Maybe said...

je we are always on the same page!