Sunday, October 23, 2011

How We Spend Our Days..

"How we spend our days is, how we spend our lives." Annie Dillard

For months, on the one day off I had from school, work and LSBoy I would lie in bed paralyzed. I could sleep for 14 hours, never did anything productive. So I would think to myself, is this what I need or want to do? Or am I doing this because I am depressed. Clearly I like a little down time but do I really like spending EVERY single weekend in bed, drained with no energy to do anything. And when I forced myself out, I was miserable and couldnt wait to get home.

The problem was that my house was so hard to keep clean, and there was so much STUFF everywhere, none of it was mine, it was all expensive and if I moved it or touched I would either break it or lose it. LSBoy is addicted to shopping and he has no space for anything. Despite my begging, crying and pleading to simplify our lives and to live for today instead of tomorrow--he let me go. He didn't fight for me, it wasn't worth it to him. He would rather exist in his cluttered mess full of chaos then be with me. So thats how it ended.

How we spend out days IS how we live our lifes, and I was not living--I was dying inside. Some people are NOT compatible it's not always about "giving up to easily" sometimes it just CANT work. So I predict I will become a member of eharmony in about 6 months--the prospect of TEN WHOLE LEVELS OF COMPATIBILITY seems like heaven...Even if I am getting old and ugly.

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