13 hours and counting

Thats how many hours Ive spent studying since yesterday. Im done for now. Please review what I am doing and advise......Im begging you. And don't laugh at me!!

1. Reading cases 1x briefly
2. Re-Reading and Briefing
3. Reading notes and questions
4. Looking up cases referenced in notes on Westlaw and copy past summaries on brief.

What Im thinking I need to do...

1. Synthasize cases read so far
2. prepare flash cards for terms I dont have memorized yet
3. prepare flash cards for black letter law
4. find a fucking study group
5. find something to do for the rest of the night that doesn't involve partying cuz that will take out tomorrow and I need tomorrow to do my other two classes homework.

Is this wrong? Also, I thought about it yesterday and most of the advice I have gotten from law students (none related to this blog or anyother blog) but in person---have come from people who are either barely getting by or doing mediocre. I need some input from the super stars...I know ur out there.........HELP! If you are failing law school or bareley getting by please keep your advice to yourself! You are tainting me. I am impressionable...

Dumb

To put this in context my mother doesn't even call me to say Happy Birthday but when she wants to put in her two cents about something she knows will piss me off, she's all over it. Observe:

IM conversation a few minutes ago regarding Sarah Palin.

Mom: yeah she may be great but she will only be vice president, name one good thing about John MCCain except his good choice for VP?

Mom: we need to end the war and the economic mess that the last 8 years have cost us. Another republican is not what we need.

Me: name one good thing about barrack (<--best law school answer "it depends" thats my rendition of the same concept.)

Mom: he understands what it is to be poor, his wife is not a trophy wife with millions of dollars (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!)

Me: you better recheck your facts, Obama went to Harvard and last i checked poor people don’t go to Harvard, and besides that it doesn’t matter where he comes from it matters if he knows how to make things better.....with ZERO executive experience i doubt he does

Mom: everyone needs to start somewhere and his family saved to put him through Harvard that and I am sure a scholarship or two, he will have advisors to guide him

Me: Mc Cain and Cindy have a pretty solid prenup so her money is hers and they have had it that way from the start

Me: I'm sorry but we have some pretty serious issues going on all over the world we don’t need some boy who happens to speak well, deciding what we do over seas.....especially when he thinks he can have a tea party with the freakin president of Iran

Me: not logical

Me: we don’t admit our weaknesses to our enemy

Me: that’s just common sense

Me: He said China's infrastructure is better than ours and business should look into to outsourcing

Me: uhhhhhhhhhh

Me: not so good for small business owners--- right?

Me: all the jobs go overseas then who will be poor?

Me: he's dumb

Mom: I wont argue politics* but I get better vibes from them than Johnny boy, I heard her speech and it really moved me, she wrote it herself, we need change and I hope they can provide it. *the classic cop out

Me: the impressionable are falling for his rhetoric

Me: well, she is only VP

Me: we always need change

Me: but we don’t need the government wiping our Asses

Mom: and he picked her to try and get the Hilary supporters on his side and women

Mom: it’s a nightmare either way

Me: Sarah Palin has more executive experience than Obama and she has a track record of going after the unethical in government, in addition to her fiscal conservatism and social conservatism. Do u think its easy to raise a down syndrome child....prob not but she didn’t let that slow her down.

Mom: they have all had trials but I am telling you she is just a decoy there is no way the good ole boys club will let her have any say on anything

Me: Condi has a lot of say

Me: even stupid nancy pelosi has a lot of say

Mom: yeah but johnny is not George (wtf does that mean anyway)

Me: i think u should talk to your commie son about your views cuz clearly we dont see eye to eye

Mom: he is not a commie and he is still your brother

She then forwards the convo to my lil brother (the commie) not really but its funny. Here’s what he says.

Bro: lol
Me: haha
Me: god she is ridiculous
Me: trying to debate ME
Me: she doesn’t know anything
Bro: you hate her so much
Me: she said she wouldn’t vote for hillary because she didn’t like her hair
Bro: You need therapy.

THE END

McCain-Palin Go GOP!

I could not be happier today. When I read the news I was giddy. I literally ran down the hall to tell my co-worker who I discussed this with on Monday. You can't deny it was a pretty good strategy on many different levels.

There was mention on the radio about Palin being a top choice for V.P. so I did some research on her. The only problem with all of this was that I really didn't want to see this election become a race/gender race. There is no denying that today that is what it has become. This is a monumental election one that will go down in history with a bang. Americans don't forget about the real issues and threats. Vote for the team that best represents the direction in which you would like to see this country go. Don't make this about wanting a black man or a female in office.

The World is my Dancefloor

Man I talk TOO much. This is why I need a blog. Who in their right mind would listen to me. Anyway, I thought it would be fair to explain how I fit into the annoying Gym Rat list so here it is:

**I am the girl who can't sit still when music is playing. I am the girl on the stairclimber snapping my fingers and getting crazy when a good song comes on my ipod. And EVERY song on my ipod is a good one. I'm sure thats pretty annoying or maybe amusing? As you can tell by my profile picture I LOVE to dance, so too bad for them.

I am the girl on the treadmill who runs for like 5 minutes gets too tired and decides to walk....but I do it at an incline.

I am the girl in the machine room who doesn't know wtf she is doing.

I am the girl who spends way too long stretching.

I am the girl who gets annoyed when you lock ur knees on a weight machine.

I am the girl who stops at her fav. Circle K for a bag of Jabenero flavored cheeze its right after working out, which completely cancels the work out.

I suck too I thought I would share.

Torts Week 2

Coming right along. I got to school early to try and get a head in Contracts so I can have at least half of Sat free. I did that last week and it worked out good. So far I have managed to keep time to work, clean my house, work out, grocery shop and talk to my friends. All of this in moderation of course but the point is I'm doing other things and still spending a considerable amount of time studying. I'm actually truly dedicating 3 hours to every hour in class and I'm getting my work done as well as some extra's like printing some of the cases from the notes section and a little internet research. I feel like I have a handle on the work and I'm finally organized. Can you tell I am a control freak? I really am in a major way. The anxiety I feel when I am unprepared is enough to kill me, so I avoid it at all costs. I swear I would ditch my grandpas funeral to study. (dont worry he's already gone ;) Morbid I know. I never proported to be normal.

I looked around the library and it was filled with almost all the kids I did the summer writing class with. I guess giving up ur summer for a writing class is a good indication of your dedication and it didn't stop there. My summer friends are still at it...working hard. The sad part is they are all daytime students. They have all found their 3-4-5 person study groups. I was jealous.

The study group I set up hasn't gone anywhere. The girl is too busy with her personal life and the guy is too. I studied solo for about 4 hours then went to the cafe for dinner. One of my classmates walked in he sat with me to eat and we decided to go over the briefs for this evenings class. It was so nice being able to hash it out with someone other than myself. Needless to say both him and I were prepared enough to make it through the lecture without being utterly confused. This was satisfying. Apparently, him and another guy are meeting up Sat. for their first study session, so I invited myself. They didn't seem bothered and if they were too bad they will just have to learn to love me...I am desperate. I want to get started NOW.

I feel good about this and I think it will work out. Again this wasn't the crowd I ever imagined being a part of. Im learning the fine art of assimilation and I'm not too bad at it. Class was fun today we joked and talked and had a good discussion. After careful consideration I have officially decided that the guy behind me is THE GUNNER the ridiculous hypos. But I was told that the professor will email the whole class if it gets out of hand and tell them to stop wasting our time. We'll see. So my second 18 hour day in a row....and Im off to slumber land.

Tomorrow....legal research the area I have neglected effortlessly. Keep your heads up 1Ls this is an adventure.

Locker Room Antics Part I

I have been to three different gyms this year. Some of the more common disgusting behaviors are as follows:

1. Disgusting naked women strutting around like they were in their own homes. Standing in front of the mirror in their g string underwear with their cheesy ass on display for all to see. This served two purposes for me today #1 lost my appetite, #2 worked out a lot harder than i planned. (except now I cant walk cuz Im so sore)

2. Disgusting man who caughs up snot and swallows it.

3. Disgusting pig who smells like the worst foul funk you could ever imagine. Dirty gym clothes thrown in the laundry basket wet, marinating for days, pull them out and wear them again, drive to the gym hotboxing a cig. then take ur disgusting ass into the gym to make me ill.

4. Weird, weird, weird cougar who has perfect hairdo. Her hair frames her face in perfectly symetrical lines. She takes tiny minnie scissors and cuts the strays every single day.

5. The girl who spends 2 hours walking around in circles "dabbeling" with machines, but really just looking for some attention.

6. The testosterone boys, who are so in love with themselves you should never feel self conscious working out around them cuz they don't care about what you are doing. They are too involved with their own beauty.

7. The bitchygay guys checking out ur ass and thinking to themselves how u should hit the stair climber a little harder.

8. THE FAT TRAINER!! WTF! Those who can't ...teach. Ugh no! I will not pay hundreds of dollars for some fat guy to tell me to lay off the carbs, NO FREAKIN WAY.

9. The five minute work outs. The people who you see come in and leave before you even finish ur first set.

10. The fuckin skinny bitch who walks in half naked with her VENTI CARMEL FRAP WITH WHIP CREAM! Or the gym reception who is eating donuts on Sunday morning! OR the girls downing 3 gateraids in 20 minutes.

I wish I could wear my invisible cloak to the gym and sunglasses and a nose plug. Law school WILL make me fat, no doubt.

Professor Meatloaf

Contracts. This class was a combo of my section and the spring starters. There were strangers amongst us. Stirred things up a bit. The good news my section sorta kinda bonded a lil bit. We all sat in the same row looking like nervous freaks.

I read every case, read restatments (second), read a few precedent cases and looked up terms and I still sucked ass. Lucky for me I have a super white, super easy last name so guess who got screwed with all night long, yup me. The girl who has a scarlet letter on her forhead that says Im scared shitless, show the whole class, please!!!

At one point I was looking up a rule and the professor asked me a question (I didn't hear what he said) and i just nodded yes and ignored him. Not such a good idea, I looked up briefly and he was shaking his head....eek The good news is this....I am really good at ignoring the other jack asses in the class so I don't feel embarrassed.

My professor is pretty funny though. All night he kept referencing a hypo that included his wife about to drink the last beer and him offering her $100 and to rip up the pre-nup. I.e. he was trying to get us to think about whether the government has any business deciding the value of a contract. Whatever the analogy was trailor park-tabulous. Then he had to talk about a song by Meatloaf, ok Im a lil older so Im sorta familiar but not really. Prof. loves a song called paradise on the dashboard or something like that. He insists we all listen because its all about contracts. Prof. is brilliant which I enjoy thoroughly but this class is FAST paced and I am going to get on the ball....RIGHT NOW. His method is the polar opposite of Prof. Stand up and state the facts in Torts. Come to think of it Contracts Prof. looks like Meatloaf...So I think ill call him Prof. Meatloaf, it fits.

Good night to all the 1ls in the world struggling to make meaning of this madness.

Rolling backpack...

Be afraid...be very afraid....I am officially going to purchase a rolling backback. It was either that or hire a little kid to sit in my passenger seat so i can roll in carpool then tote him around to carry my books. Since that is against child labor laws I have submitted to the dorky rolling backpack. BUT I will limit its use to trips back and forth to work and the library. It will stay in my trunk during school hours.

This shit is just way to freakin heavy and I have to have it all with me all the time because I am never close to home. No offense to those who use the roller bag, you are quite sensible. I just don't know why I cant do it, its like wearing crocs. They are super comfortable but just flat out UGLY!

Reminds me of this joke guys say about a "certain kind of girl" and mo-peds....They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to see you on them.... (couldn't resist)

guilty...

I did not spend nearly enought time on Sat. studying. I am now packing up all 350lbs of the worlds finest reading and heading off to work. It will be empty and hot since the A/C is off on the weekends but I will have unlimited coffee, a huge desk, quiet office, and most importantly peace and quiet. Wish me luck. Contracts...........here I come......AGAIN! Im already tired.

Peeping Tom X two

Last night I went to Hollywood Forever Cemetery to watch a movie put on by a company called Cinespia. Its a very yuppie thing to do but I love it. Thousands of L.A. hipsters get together with Trader Joe's finest fare to drink wine listen to electronic music and lounge on the lush green grass in front of the mausoleum. Sound creepy? It is a lot of fun and only costs $10. They always show the classics and last night was Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window with James Stewart and Grace Kelly.

The whole movie takes place in James' apt. It s about him being stuck in a wheelchair at home due to a broken leg. He is so bored that he becomes obsessed with watching his neighbors across the way. The apartments and the neighborhood are very reminiscent of my own. James witnesses one of his neighbors doing things that lead him to believe that the man killed his wife. Anyway it was a great movie.

On my way home I started to think about my apartment. I live downstairs and my window faces the parking lot of the building next to me. I live in a very historical neighborhood with all 1920 style buildings. (its very pretty) I thought I wonder how many people look in my windows all day long and see everything I'm doing. Since I am pretty careless about closing them its a big possibility that they have seen more than they care to. But so far I haven't been creeped out UNTIL LAST NIGHT!!

Around midnight Im sitting up studying and I hear someone say, "Miss....Miss...hello Miss." It startles me so I say WHAT very rudely. WTF calling in my window! He barely speaks English and begins to tell me excitedly how a cat had kittens in the parking lot and I should feed them. I WAS SO PISSED. FUCKIN WEIRDO. After about 5 minutes of me trying to understand why he thinks this is my responsibility I tell him, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS I'M TRYING TO STUDY, I CAN'T HELP THEM ANY MORE THAN YOU CAN, CALL THE FREAKIN HUMANE SOCIETY." So I grab a beer and decide to go to bed.

Then I am woken up again this time at 2am. Someone is calling my NAME through my window right by my head. It's the long lost neighbor who fell off the face of the earth. He used to be a party friend of mine but I didn't really give a rats ass about him. So when he disappeared I didn't even care. He goes on and on about how he meant to leave for a week but ended up gone for the whole summer. I explain to him that I'm sleeping and have to get up early. He just doesn't get it so I decide to ignore him and he stands there for another 15 minutes NO LIE yelling in my window for me to wake up. I am actually scared at this point and can't find my phone to call the police. He smelled like he had showered in Jack Daniels. He got really mad that i wouldn't respond and finally left.

I feel really weird now. I'm going to go get some heavy duty curtains and some pepper spray.

Fell In....

I decided to fall in Love with myself today because I haven't had anything more interesting to do ...yet. To prove it this is the song I sang to myself at the top of my lungs and I feel a-ok today :)

For those unfortunate gals who have never had a guy feel this way about you Ill go out on a limb and say ....I dont think you have really been in love. Because when a guy loves you this is how sappy he gets.....I think anyway!

It always occurs to me How lovely you look today Just how you smile that way Makes my heart melt Seemed like just yesterday When you stole my breath away You walked into my life You completed my soul When you walked into my life You completed my soulNow I'm in peace yeah, yeahI'm in peace Whoa I'm in peace when I'm with you You set me free You're all I need Lift me off my feet Beauty Queen Where did you find that soul of yours You must have traveled through heavenAnd searched through the garden of love I swear there's a light When your eyes touch me It's like the sun, like the sun is.. reaching down from the sky When you touch me with your eyes It's like the sun from the skyNow I'm in peace yeah, yeahI'm in peace Whoa I'm in peace when I'm with you You set me free You're all I need Lift me off my feet Beauty QueenYour whispering It's uplifting Sink into my body while I'm drifting When you kiss me Really truly kiss me Connected by our hearts We are oneYeaah, mmmNow I'm in peace yeah, yeahI'm in peace Whoa I'm in peace when I'm with you You set me free You're all I need Lift me off my feet Beauty QueenWell I'm in peace yeah, yeahI'm in peace Whoa I'm in peace when I'm with you You set me free You're all I need, darlingLift me off my feet Beauty QueenI said lift me off my feet Beauty Queen, Beauty Queen.. by Justin Nozuka

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Nozuka

I found this kid by accident while looking through new releases on itunes. I have been IN LOVE with his songs ever since. You MUST check him out.

Thursdays are too long

My thursday night class doesnt end till 10:30 pm. I got home at midnight woke up at 6am for work, stumbled to work, drank 300 cups of coffe and here I am now, at work still its 8pm on my 4th hour of torts, with my best friend on the phone for 30 min and I haven't heard a word she has said.

Im freakin tired. My house is a mess. Good news is I went to staples and got myself super duper organized which eliminated my stomach ache. Im such a wimp. Endurance is what I need to work on for sure.

Thanks for the comments and reading my silly blog, it really makes me very happy :)

Introducing........the Socratic Method, please be gentle

I got to school early today because I mixed up my classes and did all 60 pages of my Contracts reading/briefing when I don't have Contracts until next week. Today I had to decipher torts in a few hours. I read the cases 4 times .....FOUR FREAKIN TIMES! So I'm lucky enough to have a friend, a very bright friend I might add, who is 2L at my school. I happen to read a case in which I don't understand why the Plaintiff would demurrer. On a whim I run it buy her, mind u at this point I don't even think it is that relevant but I ask. She explains to me and I understand, fine ...done.

All day long I have blocked out the anxiety of my first class with a professor who forces you to stand when he calls on you. I'm def. one of those who think public speaking is worse than death. Around 15 min. before class my stomach starts turning, palms are sweating and my mind was completely blank. I couldn't remember any of the cases at all.

The professor does some introductory lecture about his expectations and I start calming down a little more. Then that fateful moment comes---the first case. He calls out a name.....whew not me! But then I start worrying that he will call on my for the last case which was by far more complicated. We go through it and the professor is gentle to the guy and the guy does ok, not stellar but ok. Then we get to the next case-----------------------"MS. BROOKLYN, PLEASE STATE THE FACTS OF THE CASE."

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I stand up but for some reason I dont blush, instead i tremble like a leaf. I decided to sit up front so if this very thing were to occur no one would see how red my face was. Im sure it was pretty evident that my knees were about to buckle by the way I held on to the desk for dear life. I state four facts...the facts that if changed would change the outcome...right? YES, I was ok. He hesitated on one of my facts, referred to the case book and said "Oh yes you are right." Whew! THEN HE SAYS............"What is unusual about this case?"

AHAAAAA!!! I say....D says he is not liable for negligence because P walked in front of gun and P does/says/argues (I forgot) demurrer. He says, "What is demurrer?" YAY!!! I say confidently, regardless of the facts P is not at fault. I.e. Who cares. He says happily, "Exactly."

We go on for a few minutes and I nailed it!!!!!!!!!! So after class i realize i left my lunch box in the room. I walk in to get it and the professor is still there he says, "How did you like the class?" I say, "I liked it."

He says, " You did and excellent job briefing that case, keep up the good work."

And that is when all was right with the world. I hope I can stay prepared and sharp and make it through this first year with my sanity in tact. Whew!

Orientation

My class is 20 people! All very diverse and one girl from high school. Not very interesting at all. I really couldn't make any judgements about the group. They all looked so different like people I have not encountered before. I couldn't compartmentalize them. The daytime crew was a different story. I caught a glimpse of them and there were a few cute guys a handful of pretty girls but still nothing noteworthy. I'll tell you what though out of 20 people in the part time evening division I am bound to spend my evenings "dancing" as the contracts professor put it, to some pretty horrible music called the Socratic method. The odds of me being called on multiple times in one night is enough to make me barf---right now. The whole damn class could be one study group!

By the way being the pro active gal that I am---I already have half of my study group arranged! Thanks to the summer writing class. On the downside I find myself interviewing people in my head:


convo with girl from high school

Me: "So what did you get your undergrad degree in" (I'm looking for someone who might appear to be above average intelligent based on their choice of major)

Her: "....."
Me: I have no idea what she said because all I could think of was how I could do a fabulous makeover on her and change her life.
Me: <-----absolutely ridiculous!

Today is Day 2! Orientation almost feels like a waste of time but hey its free food. Oh and we took some oh so formal oath yesterday and I found a typo in the doc we signed, which was disappointing but hey whatever. I don't even usually proof read these blogs! But I figure no one but me reads them anyway. ;)

So, I am officially a professional who will one day make a promise to defend that awesome all inspiring document known as the Constitution of the United States of America!

Now that sounds pretty damn cool!

My J-O-B

I began working for M-Law approximately 1 and half years ago. At the time I lived about 30 miles away and would have to endure hours of traffic each way. The interview was strange and I was completely intimidated and overwhelmed. I was invited to join M-Law for their standard Monday morning meeting before I actually began working with them. I sat in this huge cold conference room surrounded by melancholy looking zombies. Must’ve been their poker faces? Then the food came. Monday’s were good.

The meeting began and it was like war. The boss required participation, each person arguing with the other about what works and what don’t work. It felt hostile and I figured everyone hated each other. I was so uncomfortable that I decided to send the parking key back and decline the job offer. I was taking a huge pay cut to work at this place. I was not about to sit my ass in two hours of traffic to get attacked at the weekly staff meeting for minimum wage (well amost). For the next week I spent a couple of hours discussing pro’s and cons with good friends. Being the drama queen I am my friends and family convinced me that I was making this shit up in my head.

I took the job despite my anxiety about it. Within weeks I was moved into my own office, given state of the art computer equipment, scanners, speakers, 2 monitors, huge wrap around glass desk, office with a window and all the yummy food I could eat. What more could I ask for? With time I came to find out that I work with the most interesting, nice, smart people I have ever been exposed to. The difference between a job in just any ol’ office and a job in a law firm is that in the latter you are immersed in an intellectual environment. When we go to happy hour we discuss events and ideas not people. Gossip is almost non-existent it’s remarkable.

My boss encourages demands excellence from everyone and has no problem giving you all the responsibility you want. He is a very strange man to say the least but I wouldn’t trade this experience for ANYTHING. I went from file girl to contract drafter with business cards in a matter of weeks. I have learned to find laws, read laws, deal with crazy attorneys who yell and throw stuff, deal with clients, billing, writing letters, and other things that will prove to be invaluable.

Everything about this office is unconventional which as a management major is hard to swallow. I was able to develop and implement quite a few procedures that proved to increase productivity, efficiency and accountability. And I slept better at night knowing who did what.

This was not limited to office procedures but also trickled over into hiring practices. My boss asks questions like “Do you eat meat?” If you are interesting and brave enough to look him in his eye……….you are hired no matter what. It Doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to use Microsoft Word. We still end up with a solid group---guess he is a good judge of character?

August 2008 was supposed to be my last month here. But they are letting me work part time and from home! Anyway, a few very special people have moved on and our office is down to a few people. I miss the two-hour lunch breaks. I miss walking to lunch laughing the whole way, listening to my friend Disney chatter about law school and how she was going to change the world. It was about 5 of us and we laughed ourselves to tears and laughed and laughed and shared the best IM”s in existence, good stories, and advice.

We all take a lot of pride in always trying to be a better person, harder worker, and just happy. I miss them terribly and feel very lonely without them. Today is my orientation for law school. I hope the “like minds” I find myself sitting next to tonight can help fill the void left by all those who shared a little bit of their souls with me this past year at M-Law.

OH god help me

Im sick to my stomach. I am so nervous. I can't figure out if i want to cry, laugh, sleep, run, OR how about finish my damn first assignments. My head is spinning.

The Big Day...

The big day has arrived.....My cuzin is getting married. should be a good time and since Im the book girl I will be watching all. Should be good blogging material. Im sure she will be the star of the show though! Good times! :) Then back to contracts.

Integrity

What does integrity mean?

“Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will.” John D. MacDonald

For the purposes of this post when I refer to cheating I am referring to that which occurs when a man or woman is unfaithful to his or her significant other.

Practicing restraint and self control seems boring. It takes a lot of courage to stand behind your moral convictions when faced with temptation. Hedonism is glamorized in our society and to live in excess is considered good; succumbing to the evils of the world is all to acceptable.

I have a really hard time accepting monogamy and have a pretty cynical view about marriage.
At the airport last week I spent the majority of my time people watching. I was amazed at the number of seemingly happy couples. In fact I sort of felt myself either growing up a little or just having a little epiphany. Maybe it is possible to be married to one person forever. Maybe some relationships are completely honest. I really haven't fully accepted this but I am making progress.

I am not one to deny myself anything. I can be quite spontaneous and to the point that I deal with regret too often. When being faced with a situation that may cause me to make a decision that doesn't feel right, it is all to easy to push that nagging voice to back of my mind. Especially when alcohol is involved. What results is lack of self respect and disappointment because deep deep deep down I have character and integrity and I care about myself. Even if my bad decisions don't always reflect that.

Sometimes the consequences are not acknowledged in time. The truth is that a few hours of devious fun can cause a loss of self that lasts for years. I think people are often fearful of letting their conscience be their strength because you might have to chose new friends, be lonely or bored.

Men and Women definitely have different ways of rationalizing their bad decisions. For example with regard to being with a married man women tend to come up with ridiculous excuses like..."If it wasn’t me it would be someone else." A justification that is baseless.

Women are only disrespecting themselves-- being that she should think as a woman and put herself in the others shoes.

My advice to myself: Stay away from situations u know are dangerous. If I don't trust myself then stay away. That is what I owe to myself.

One should know themselves well enough to know if for example...drinking too much causes them to lose their inhibitions and judgment enough to cheat. In which case a person who has integrity would avoid these situations in order to be true to his or her sense of dignity, pride and and self respect.

Life is about sacrifice and denying oneself these desires for the sake of being a good solid person is a sacrifice worth dealing with. Integrity is the most important element of being in a good, honest, whole, strong, and internally peaceful state of mind.

Our minds are chaotic at times and too many people make important life altering decisions without a lot of thought. We shouldn't live our lives for other people but we should value human beings and their feelings.

Integrity is a quality that affects all arenas of life but i find it most important when finding someone to have a relationship with. Humans have animalistic desires that are at times overwhelming. You should be sure that you are mentally mature enough to know that you are making a choice to be in charge of your self.

Before you commit to another be sure you are mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with it. And when committing to yourself to be the best person you can be respect that equally.

Procrastination...

By nature I am NOT a procrastinator so what the hell is my problem? I woke up bright and early ready to take on the world and here I am hours later on the freakin internet. Ugh....

To do list

• Return cable box that I am paying for even tho its been in my trunk for a week done
• Get bag for school done
• Get dress for wedding
• Clean house for guests done
• Go to work sometime tonight done
• Go to the gym
• Grocery shop
• Read my first assignments
• Look for cheap tires for my car
• Wash my nasty car
• and most importantly
• GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS ASAP.

Blogger Etiqutte

I've been worrying a lot lately about offending anyone or doing something rude on this blog. I don't know any bloggers personally, therefore I have no idea what is ok and what is not. I decided to look it up and found this
I know i don't have any readers and I'm a little torn about whether I want any. But even if I did want readers I don't know how to get them. I can't even imagine soliciting my blog on other people's blogs, I'm just not comfortable with that. So I'll just count on maybe one or two people accidentally running into it. who knows maybe its super boring and not worth the read. The real purpose of this blog is to keep my mind clear. I've been writing in journals since I was about 10 so this is just my up to date journal.

North Dakota

Things I've noticed and in no particular order

• Most women have short hair, very short, boy hair
• It smells like flowers here
• Hunting is big
• Walmart is bigger
• Everyone attends the kids weekday softball practice (jobs?)
• Life is simple
• Everyone drives an ugly car (probably because of the severe weather)
• People are generally nicer
• This place is like night and day from L.A.
• It stays light outside until 9pm
• School teachers make house calls to deliver homework to your sick kid
• The mosquito is the state Bird

OH School teachers send home lists that leave you in about $100 more debt than u anticipated because you buy them dry erase markers, and other ridiculous things, specific scissors?

This is my 6th or 7th visit and each time I like it a little more. People are slower and definitely not as ambitious (generally speaking) there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of keeping up with the Kardashian's or Jones Whatever.. It's peaceful, Its lush very green and kids play outside!!! Parents are home!!! They don't work 80 hours a week. This is a place where family comes first. It apprently pays because although there are not a ton of future Ivy League-rs the kids are smart, well adjusted, a bit sheltered but not psycho like the kids in L.A. You know the 7 year old girls with highlights, lip gloss and Hanna Montana attitudes.

Too bad I'm a career girl who doesn't want kids.

Good Ol' Fashioned Catholic guilt

I'm in North Dakota on a kind of mini vacation. Really I am here to help my younger sister out. She is having her 4th baby tomorrow. I'll stay here at her house and manage the other kiddies. We are all pretty excited and Its been a great distraction from life. I don't even know where my cell phone is at.

Today we went to church. I am by no means a bible thumper or holy roller or whatever you would call one who was overly consumed with organized religion. However, I do have some deep seeded feelings about the catholic church, the symbolism, and all things related. The priest read the sermon (i think that's what you call it?) It was about when Jesus walked across the water during a bad storm and the disciples didn't believe it was him. Whatever...the message was this: sometimes the going gets rough and sometimes we get scared and doubt ourselves and our beliefs but if we remain strong and believe in our hearts and souls that we will make it through the storm we will not drown. Faith. I don't think many lawyers believe in wishy washy things like faith, or fate, or anyother nonsensical unexplainable phenomena. I do.

So Ive been completely stressed out about the 1st because we had a long talk. I knew better. I didn't want to get into it with him because I know I get all fired up and he seems like he wants to do better then he fucks up and i feel bad. He was explaining to me how scared he was to go to prison, I was silent. Which is unusual. I just didn't care to give my two cents...its a waste of my breath. Anyway, I began to explain to him using words and analogies he understood how having something to look forward to such as goals makes life worth living. His heart is dead and he needs to become active in his healing. I told him to start fighting and stop drinking NOW. I told him to get a DUI attorney, check into rehab, ditch the friends, volunteer for an organization that educates others, fightttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt, FFFFFIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT. I won't hold my breath but I will pray--yes i said it--pray, write him a compelling character letter, email him some links to DUI attorneys and see what he does with this. I'm not going to worry anymore. The end.

creepy feelings

Wow!

Last night I went hiking after work with a co-worker. As we struggled to get our asses up that gawd damn mountain I began to brag about how I ate a whole entire carne asada burrito for lunch--and I didn't even get sick!!! I boasted proudly. My co-worker probably had her i-pod on full blast at that point.

See the thing is I live on crumbs most of the time because #1 Im poor and #2 Im freakin busy. When I get a chance to sink my teeth into something solid its is an event! Since my diet is limited to cheeze its and coffee my stomach just doesnt know what to do when it has to deal with solid food, much less red meat.

So we are at the half way point of this 4 mile hike and suddenly I was re-enacting the scene from S&TC when Charlotte accidently drinks the water in mexico while showering and just doesnt make it to the bathroom in time. Yes, she shit her pants. Classic! Well luckily there was no shitting of the pants occuring on this mountain. I tried my hardest to tell myself MIND OF MATTER, which is a bunch of bullshit by the way. Several times on my way down I literally had to crouch down and catch my breath. That was almost the most horrible hour of my life. To make a super disgusting story short I did make it to the bathroom and was violently ill for the rest of the evening.

SO WHAT THE HELL IS MY POINT THEN?

I get home, I'm dizzy, disoriented, sick from running all the way down the mountain, cold, hot, hungry, u name it. I take a shower and go to bed because the next day, which is today, would be my last day of the summer writting class AND I have a 6am flight on Friday. My alarm goes off at 5 and I do as I always do...run thru my day in my head. HOLY FUCKIN SHIT I FORGOT TO PACK!! Ok, so now ur thinking big deal right? I had to be at work in ONE HOUR, promptly after work I had to go to school, my school is 50 miles from work and traffic is horrendous, from school i go to friends house around the corner from school, then tomorrow am to the airport. THERE WAS NO TIME FOR THIS. So I grab the suitcase and just throw everything in site in it. I get here tonight after class and decide to try to make sense of this mess and everything is just fine, it all worked out. But I am fucking exhausted and starving to death. Which leads me to my next story....

I am at the 1sts house. He is at work. I've spent the majority of my time here confined to a little uninhabited area of the living room. The boys in this house do most of their "living" upstairs with the big screen tv. Why do i do this you ask. Many reasons. First Im not comfortable here period. Second, Ive been doing quite well without tv for the last few weeks so ill save myself the aggrivation of dealing with 250 remote controls and just hang out on this cold leather sofa in this creepy condo. So I flipped through a few of the various mens mags laughed at the stupid shit they read and then just sat here completely stuck........Ok I really, really, really, didnt want to snoop, I swear! After all I could care less about this guy. BUT I am really nosey. What did I discover well this is what i found:

1 Million playboy, FHM, and Maxim mags (thank god I had something to do)
An entire cabinet of girl toiletries with some stinky ass perfume, nasty makeup, disgusting contraceptives (who stores the Nuva Ring under the sink? It goes in the fridge, Im just saying)

Cold sore medicine (AKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK)
Some other kind of oitment (Im puking now)
A retarded love letter addressed to "boobies" which is what she calls him???
Gross crusty girl shoes
Gross crusty girl clothes
100 hair clips
and all kinds of other crap I didnt expect to see. So here I am now confined to the cold leather sofa downstairs in the dark afraid to sit anywhere. This nasty girl has probably marked every peice of furniture. GAG--This is close to torture. Good night all Im gonna sleep in my car.

Out with the old In with the New...

Myspace Myspace how I hate you....A forum in which you can be anyone you want to be. A place where you can lose ur inhibitions without one sip of alcohol and god forbid you drank the day before cuz that will be public news also. But in MS land everything goes. Who cares if you are a 12 year old taking half naked pics of urself in the bathroom mirror. Hey and if you are in your 40's its perfectly ok to have your kids friends on your friend list. Its also pretty awesome when you post bulletins that your mom, dad, teachers, co workers, bosses and other people can read, that share explicit details about your favorite sexual position. People should know there are Myspace stalkers who cruise the pages looking at everyones page and watching their next moves. This is just creepy.

Whatever happened to discretion and self respect? Why do people think it is cool to have outrageous photos of themselves available for all to see. Wasn't there a time when you swore your friends to secrecy about your drunk night? Now its cool if your friends snap a shot of you pissing in a bush, puking or making out with randoms!

I must admit I did get sucked into this fake ass world and for too long I might add. Then I had a mini-epiphany in my life--myspace doesn't fit. I don't have time for it and I don't want my personal fuck ups posted for the world to see. A blog is anonymous and its coming straight from my mouth and NO PICS. The technology era is dangerous. Nothing is sacred anymore. I just feel like Myspace is the trailer park of online networking and Face Book has a little more credibility. It depends on the person I suppose. I am speaking in very general terms because there are many people who use myspace to share pics of their kids and real life important rated G events with people who live far away. And that is perfectly fine. My beef is with the KIDS, have you ever seen that movie? You should.

My 2cents ...if you wanna live vicariously through people, turn to blogs and save ur dignity. I absolutely love reading blogs!

Budgets and other BS

I seem to be going through a bit of a rough patch this summer. Friday my head stayed up my ass from the bad news about the 1st and then to top it off my boss was on a rampage. I usually escape his wrath because I try my best to do what he asks. Unfortunately, I am the assistant to an attorney who refuses to play the damn game! This attorney is very smart and good at what he does. Except he doesn't call prospective clients back. Being that we work in Real Estate Law, it is pretty damn important that we try to get new business.

The harassing emails began first thing in the morning and continued throughout the day. Finally the attorney I work with and I decided to quit responding. This resulted in a manic phone call. My boss was yelling so loud he could hardly breathe. He said, "WE HAVE TO TALK MONDAY."

Yay, tomorrow is Monday.

I spent the weekend at my dad's doing laundry and taking care of his stinky dog. (I hate dogs) He was out of town and I owe him a million favors, sooooo.

I couldn't get on the freakin Internet and was pretty much miserable. At 11am sharp I left. Here I am home sweet expensive home. I checked out my bank account and paid some bills. By the way I ditched my cousins baccalaureate party this weekend because I am BROKE. Will this ever end? Right when I can catch up something major happens. I am horrible with money. This led to the preparation of my fall budget. OMG! I don't know how I will live. The bottom line is I live in an expensive city and pay way too much for rent. I just don't do well with roommates and I have two ferocious kitties. Hey maybe I'll lose my job tomorrow!

On a side note I'm not normally this damn full of bad news. Its just a rough patch.

I am going to North Dakota this Friday to be with my sister while she gives birth to baby Abigail. That is exciting. Hope I can live on $20 for five days. The good news is I am not a big eater nor am I a picky eater. One trip to Walmart and 5 top ramen's later I should be A-OK. I hope law school keeps me busy enough to avoid spending money on bullshit. And to make all of this even worse---I haven't been to the gym in over a week. This could be exactly why I am moody! Those endorphins are vital to my well being.

Can't forget that 2 hour exam in the legal writing class Tuesday! My first semi real law school exam, ugh. I need candy and a nap then a drink!

Happy Sunday!