I'm Moving.......Officially

Well I wont be moving in with our friend Jeska the drunk rocker but.....Here's the deal.

There's this guy....my first boyfriend/first love blah blah, we were together for 3 years from 15 years old to 18. I broke up with him. Broke his heart..blah blah blah. Anyway, we kinda grew up together and have a million mutual friends and tight family ties. We broke up for about 8 years but kept in touch. Got back together for another year. I was planning the wedding in my head. He said he wanted to marry me...blah blah blah. He bought a condo (our condo i thought) we painted, bought furniture etc.

One dark and stormy night he decided he was over it and I caught him cheating. It came out of NO WHERE. Left field. I was completely shocked and subsequently heartbroken for months. Finally I pulled my head out of my ass and moved closer to school, L.A. Kicked ass in my last year of undergrad and just lived life. Well..............

Here we are 3 years later in touch again. This time ball is in my court but I'm not playing. He is going away for a lil vacation so to speak, for a year. He desperately needs someone to rent his condo. He doesnt want to put his furniture in storage etc. This condo just happens to be 1.6 miles from my school. Sooooooooooooooooooo. I agreed, today, to rent it. I'm nervous because I don't want him to get the wrong idea and think when he comes back we are going to have a happy lil family. Heres the list cuz you know i love lists:

Pros

• super close to school (Im currently doing a 100 mile round trip 3 days a week)
• wayyyy bigger than my apartment
• fully furnished, nice condo with all the amenities
• I have no parking
• I live in a studio
• I dont have anything
• Washer and dryer
• garage
• and Ill save about $200 a month in rent not to mention gas etc.
• More time to study, less time driving
• My very best friends live nearby ( so in my down time I wont be trapped in L.A. all alone)

Cons

• Im gonna miss LA so much
• Im somehow still tied to the ex
• can i bring boys here?
• I'll have to move again in a year
• Im probably going to break his heart again
• I think my friends, family etc hate him and don't want me anywhere near him

Hmmm....no deal breakers on the cons side. Im doing it! Wish me luck! xoxo

Big Plans in the works

Oh boy....Im making a BIG decision right now. Stay tuned. My head is spppiiiinnnnnnning.

Sunday Fun Day.......

It started out ok. Woke up cleaned the shithole made myself presentable, studied, moved my car every two hours to avoid the fee at the library, I didn't buy that $4 cup of milky way heaven coffee that I wanted so bad, ate a bagel for lunch and didn't eat breakfast, got my torts homework done and saw a movie.

Where did it go bad ........It went bad at the Farmers Market that's where. I don't know why I insist on parking there! I didn't get it validated either. $20 fucking dollars later here I am irritated. :( Here is my unhappy review of My Best Friends Girl:

It sucked and I'll tell you why. I'm pretty sure the concept was based on this stupid mind fucking book out there for socially awkward boys called The Game. The book is kinda brilliant if you are that lame and need to psychologically molest people to get a peice of ass. I appreciate manipulation as much as the next guy and I consider myself a master at the art but not when its used to really truly hurt people. And believe me it's real. Guys really do this shit I've seen it with my own eyes. I have a lot of filthy guy friends (no offense my luvs) who share all and I mean all their dirty, filthy, scandalous stories with me. So I got the inside scoop on this stupid book. Anyway, back to the movie.

Dane Cook is hard to look at
Jason Biggs is worse

The acting was shitty--no chemistry between the two mentioned above. It just didn't work. The profanity and vulger-ness (my fav) were over the top and just didn't fit. I mean the raunchier the better but it didn't flow with the rest of the movie. I don't know how to explain that. You know when someone is trying too hard it just doesn't work.

There was so much running and smoking I couldn't figure out if I was gonna go home and run or go buy a pack of smokes. The roommate who was supposed to represent the promiscuous sex freak wasn't convincing at all. A box full of vibrators....not that shocking sorry to break it to ya! I absolutely love to see people push the envelope especially in real life but when its forced and unnatural looking it kinda kills it.

I'm not sad that I saw it cuz I got to hang out with my lil nugget but man $20 to park and a lame movie...no bueno.

Roommate needed? This is a must see

I was perusing Craigs apartment finders for a friend and came across this jewel. Wait it gets better so I visit the chicks myspace and holy shit this girl is gonna get killed by some weirdo. Who does that? --Puts an add on the Internet looking for a roommate "I'm not picky" omg she is asking for Internet predators!

Wow....those people really do exist.

Cat got my tongue

I'll just be quiet until I have something substantial to say. It might be a while. Off to the Beverly Hills Library, adventures sure to follow.

<3

Inspiration...

On my death bed the only thing I will ask myself is....Did I inspire anyone? Even just one person is good enough for me. That day in undergrad when my philosophy teacher said, "What is the purpose of your life." I spent days pondering it then I decided that nothing brings me more joy than to inspire people, so my purpose will be to lift people higher, help them realize their potential, and show them anything is possible by achieving my goals............If someone inspires you Tell Them!

So with that said I must confess....you bloggers inspire me. You bring out the creative side I didn't think I had, You make me want to save money, You make me want to exercise, You help me appreciate the struggles of motherhood even though i dont want kids, you help me understand your political views, and most importantly give me perspective when I need it so bad. When you write or draw, bake, complain, yell or just tell random funny stories, I feel what you are trying to convey and its fabulous!

Thanks~

Law School Budget Woes...

My financial situation has gone from bad to worse thanks to the influx of parking violations this month. Once I put it in writing I think I will be able to stick to it so here is my goal for the month of October to get back on track:

1. NO SHOPPING
2. NO EATING OUT (1x per week for entertainment purposes)
3. NO MORE PARKING Tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if its 2am and I have no where to park I will keep looking until I find a legal spot.

4. Grocery shop for essentials
I end up buying everything and anything I want when I grocery shop

5. Think about putting gym pass on hold for a while
6. Try to squeeze in at least 2 more hours at work

I know what is happening here--it is very typical of me. I am rewarding myself by spending money. I feel bored, or lonely, or tired, so I spend money and it makes me feel better. This has to stop. I am going to run out of money! This sucks I am so stressed out. I mean all of my bills are paid and I have money but the future is bleak to put it mildly. There is no room in my budget for Birthdays--or any kind of socializing. I think a month of very little spending will put me back on track.

Anybody have any tricks for cutting corners? How are you dealing with a limited budget in law school?

Anonymity...

I gave up. I hate not being me. But I doubt my classmates will find me cuz they don't even know what a gunner is much less a blawg. And if they figure it out fuck em' anyway!

10 Strange Facts about Yours Truly

I have no ideas for blogging....

1. I like cold french fries
2. When I walk home from the gym I pretend to be Giselle (LMAO) seriously, I do. it makes me walk prettier.
3. I'm scared of public bathroom stalls
4. I hate touching peoples laundry and don't let people touch mine
5. I can smell funk ten miles away and Ill explain it in vivid detail
6. I'm obsessed with books ...not purses, not shoes, not boys, BOOKS
7. I like Asian guys--its that weird white girl / asian guy cliche thingy
8. I once had a crush on my 60 something year old Poli Sci teacher.. A real crush
9. I have magic powers and can charm the pants off anything breathing...its a skill i work on
10. My ultimate goal in life is to teach

YOUR TURN....

Baby steps...

Today=

No parking tickets!! I've had three this month already.
Bought a big huge bucket o' coffee grounds for $6 (lots of money saved right there)
Ate Malto meal for breakfast = $0
and for lunch
I dug out some freezer burnt veggie patties and a soy corn dog from the depths of my freezer=$0

I have a frozen dinner at school so dinner =$0
I quit smoking (again) dont praise me I do this at least twice a week= less trips to liquor store =less impulse buys like red bull and cheeze its

OH and I went to the gym! :)

I'm doing ok today. And Im sitting on the computer enjoying my lunch in my bath towel in front of 3 open windows---the neighbors adore me ;)

Enchantment on Miracle Mile

After a long day at the library I found myself obsessing over the expense of law school. Not tuition, not books, but just day to day expenses. Yesterday I sorta overdid it and I feel so guilty. First, I spent $10 on a bowl of oatmeal and cup of coffee at the local cafe. Then I spent $4 for lunch a bagel and back of trail mix, then for dinner a $4 cup of coffee, finally $9 for parking at 90210 study spot. I CAN'T AFFORD THIS! I have to put the brakes on NOW before I run out of $. I mean you can get a whole package of steel cut oats for like $5 and I paid $10 for a bowl I couldn't even finish? Ugh! Starting Friday: Back to the gym (NO EXCUSES) new budget plan for food and parking. I'm sure there is parking somewhere near the library OR I can move my car every two hours since the first two hours are free. I could not sleep so I went for a walk/run.

It was a dark stormy evening.....ok maybe not but It was weird all the same. OF course would you expect anything less than weird from me? My neighborhood is both enchanting and haunting. The tree lined streets house some of the prettiest 1920's architecture I have seen so far. The neighborhood is so old and thats what makes it a lil creepy. I don't even get one building away when I am stopped by the psychic man next door. (I didn't know he was psychic)

He's leaning lazily on the wall casually taking hits from his handy dandy sneak-a-toke in the form of a plastic cigarette. I laugh he's funny. After the two magic words (Hi Sweetheart) I stop and chat. He asks me when my birthday is so I happily brag "Halloween!" Ohhhhhhhhhh.....he says. You will be an amazing lawyer. And by the way you won't be single for long I just have to tell you. There is someone at your school who likes you and you will like him. HAAAAAHA! I tell him I am avoiding boys at all costs. The once boy crazy neighborhood jewel ;) is on a boy diet. I just can't have the distraction. He says, "Don't worry he is in the same boat as you, he needs you to stay focused." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat! I wonder which arrogant gunner fuck it is! I'm going to wear my boy repelent to school just to make sure this doesnt happen.

The best part is the gay, psychic, adorable neighbor man says, "You are so lovely let me pick you a flower." Mind you he is HIIIIGGGHH as a kite. He returns with a handful of roses from the bush. I strut down my street grinning from ear to ear because what girl doesn't love being adored and getting flowers!

BE NICE

See me befriending the homeless guy paid off. I just had a coughing fit and who came to my rescue.............Yup, you guessed it the homeless guy. He gave me a cough drop and to everyone's great surprise I not only accepted it but i put it in my mouth right in front of everyone.

Hope I don't die. :\

Studying 90210 Style

Back at the beautiful Beverly Hills Library. Hey, it's close to my house and has free Internet! Missing class last night caused a lil' bit of baby drama. The reputation fI have established doesn't leave room for unannounced absences. I'm willing to bet a few people think I cracked up...finally. There are at least 3 people who hope I do. (less competition) Little do they know I'm freakin clueless, just like them. HA! Jokes on them suckers. However, I am working hard on my Contracts outline.

We are all just waiting for someone to crack and quit. That would make us feel like we have accomplished something...not being the first to quit. By the way I was no where near the first person to miss a class but I wouldve bet that Id never miss a class. My absence did instigate a few interesting text messages. Monday night in class i was disgustingly sick. Sneezing all over everyone, coughing and almost dead (bad allergies). If I were them I'd guess I was out sick.

Whatever its funny. I'm currently sharing a table with a homeless man, which I think is awesome! The strange looks are priceless one girl sat down while my friend went to the mens room and upon his return she left. Me with my 4 foot pile of law books and supplements and then my new friend, who has a drooling problem I might add, sitting contently working hard on our stuff. I think he is writting a book.

All I can see is a piece of paper in front of him that says, "NO TIME FOR FEAR" should I be scared...nah I'm tough. I think he has narcolepsy cuz he will be staring off into space then his head just drops and he's out...drooling all over his shirt. Then the sweet melody in his head causes him to wake up singing--lip singing and moving his fingers around. Poor guy. HE DOESN'T STINK THO! Hooray for homeless guys that don't stink. He even chews gum! This is great..ok back to work--later.

OH MY GOD

My Weds night class was on Monday this week and I got totally mixed up. I thought I didnt have class tonight but i DID!!!

My friend in K called to see if I was ok....I MISSED IT! SHIT! Has anyone missed a day yet?

I'm so distraught! He is going to murder me next week!

Law School REALLY is super funny...

As seen at Overheard in Law School and most recently and frequently in my new favorite blog. This guy probably thinks I'm stalking him....but man his posts are so funny. So like the good girl that I am---diligently working on my Torts outline I came across greatness in the form of: Good Ol' Emanuels. The very best hypotheticals that law school has to offer. I hope super funny guy doesn't mind me copying his idea just this once...Can't resist.

"Ron is a "responsible" rapist-- he never rapes anyone without wearing a condom, and he does not carry a weapon. One night, he attempts to rape Lorena, telling her that he'll be gentle and won't hurt her as long as she doesn't resist. He in fact uses no overt force as he puts on a condom and prepares to penetrate her (ok i added that part...lol) assault her. Loren decides, reasonably under the circumstances, that the least deadly way to prevent intercourse is to use a knife she has hidden in her purse; she does so, and castrates Ron. Ron sues Lorena for battery. She defends on grounds of self-defense, who wins?" Lorena Wins!!

At the risk of annoying the hell out of everyone...I will save this for a once a week treat. As I study I will wait and save the very best of each week to share. This is for my non law school friends who are utterly amazed at how ridiculous the hypos, students, and professors are...ENJOY...k back to work, later!

Torts

Torts are everywhere! I can't believe I had such a disdain for them b4 law school. They have wonderful entertainment value.

I think its fucking hilarious when someone rigs a spring gun to go off when you open the door...especially if it blows ur knee caps off! But I don't think its funny when the bad guy wins and the bad guy wins when you try to kill him for trespassing. So..dont kill people for stealing glass jars out of your abandoned barn. You have to warn them first.

I miss my muscles...

My body is a little loose and not in a good way! ;) The first few weeks I was able to keep up with my normal gym schedule but then things just got crazy. My gym attendance is sporadic at best and my workouts are nothing like they used to be. There was a time.....

My problems are that I'm sick, I'm busy, and I have the munchies because I have turned into a lazy sedentary slob. It's not too late to get back on it but I have no will power. I have no solution yet but I'm sure on the way to school I will think of at least 20 ways to get motivated.

Allergy or Cold?

Abigails labs came back normal today. I was awoken this morning by a picture of my sweet lil namesake sent to my phone. They are both happily resting at home!

I'm sick! I'm thinking that based on the symptoms disappearing then reappearing this must be allergies. I go through this every single year. Although I have never taken the time to go to the dr. So I just mix it up--a lil allergy meds here a lil cold meds there. The thing is Ive been feeling sick for 7 days...must be allergies. Shit I don't want to take allergy meds every day! What a hassle!

I've felt lithargic all day and i feel this horrible pain from the back of my eyeball to my throat? My eyes are watering and I cant breathe. Just took some tylonol cold so whatever...cold meds are fun. (I'm allergic to cold meds) they literally make me fucked up drunk like 5 shots of vodka, even the non drowsy type. Screw clubbing... I'll just sit here with my skinny vanilla latte and write my Client letter drunk on cold meds, that's way funner.

The Shithole is Clean!!!

My house is clean. Thats all.

Ladies of M-Law

I have to say a lil somethin somethin to my girls at M-Law. They encouraged...almost forced me to go to the Grove in L.A. for some food and a movie. I had a fabulous time even though I had a mean headache and sore throat. We saw Burn after Reading with Brad Pitt and I highly recommend it.

We ate some yummy food and some Carmel popcorn. I finally bought some new scents at bath and body, got a free lip gloss and indulged in a NEW BOOK! YAY! You guys have to read this book I can't put it down. I had to leave it at home so I wouldn't read it. The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. It was so nice to be OUT and to talk about NON LAW shit, to breathe the fresh air and be preoccupied with nothing! Thanks so much girls! XOXO

All I need to do now is take my happy ass to the gym and clean my house and I'll be complete...

Looking for the Stinky Legally Blonde Library...

A.K.A. Beverly Hills Library where the funk runs a muck! I came here because I drove all the way to work...again without my keys. God I'm stupid. So I get to work and the paparazzi are standing in front of my gate. So I say what the hell do you guys want? Jessica Alba is what they were waiting for. She was on the 4th floor, I work on the 5th. Whatever I don't have my keys anyway. So I do a lil paparazzi interview, I won't go into it but I found out that they literally sit in front of poor Jessica Alba's house waiting for her to follow her every single weekend. Assholes. Look out for Ms. Hart on TMZ I gave em' a few money shots ;)

Ok, back to business...
WTF is that smell. OMG I'm going to puke. Thank the good lord I'm surrounded by L.A.s finest wanna be dr.s and dr.ettes. Wow, the entire library is filled with medical students. Is it stinky med school student study brain day? They are all looking at diagrams of the brain. It's sorta like the twilight zone. The smell, the attire and most importantly the schizophrenic man to my right who gets up every 5 minutes to spit in the trash can conveniently located to my left. I guess he is blind cuz I'm shooting those "It is not ok to spit in front of ladies, indoors, at the library" glares.

Oh word to the wise....hide ur Black's dictionary unless you want to be accosted by every single practicing, unemployed or aspiring attorney in the world. Its like a conversation starter....EXCEPT I'm trying to fucking study! Here is my favorite for today:

O.J. look alike: "Um hi I see you have Black's are you studying for the Feb. Bar? I am an attorney you know."

Me: (to my self) holy shit will I still need a dictionary when I'm studying for the Bar?

Me: "No, I'm a first year"

O.J.: OH, what school?"

Me: ".....sucky law school in Cali"

O.J. gives me a puzzled look and says, "OH thats one of those unaccredited online schools huh?"

Me: "Fuck no man-- do I look stupid to you?"

Me: "Go away O.J. don't u have some work to do?"

Now I'm at the cool kid table. Just me gramps and the happy lil med students. They are adorable and they look worse than us! I guess playing god takes more training than playing Satan.

By the way Abigail isn't out of the woods yet. Her potassium levels are super high. They are keeping her for another day to go over the lab work and check out her kidneys. My poor sister.

Baby Abigail

Luckily the Drs. caught the pnuemonia in time and pumped the lil angel up full of anti biotics and fluids. This morning my sister said she was like a brand new baby :) They are going to keep her for one more day to be sure but they expect a speedy recovery....Thank YOU god!

My Big Fat Ego...

I am better. 100%. No more erradic, emotional, freak outs that no one can understand. No more misdirected anger, no more meltdowns....not this week anyway.

Driving 50 miles ...each way...three days in a row after working all morning gives me lots of unwanted time to think. And thinking is dangerous. But today I did what I always do when I'm down and out...confused and disgruntled---I gave myself a pep talk. It is an obsessive habit of mine to figure out the root of my unhappiness, seek to understand it, accept it and move on.

The ego is a dangerous and ugly part of the human psyche. I really thought I knew better than to feed into that shit. The problem with being told what a peice of shit you are all of your life is that you grow up seeking approval from everyone and anyone. Unfortunately for me--my ego is the size of the U.S. any threat, no matter how slight, brings my pathetic world to a staggering halt. Unless I am #1, the queen, the best, the cutest, the fastest, the most efficient, the best I can be-- I am not ok. Law School is a rude awakening let me tell u. It has subtly stabbed at my fragile self concept for five long weeks and finally I sprung a leak. All of my feelings were chaotic and jumbled I just couldnt pin point the source. Toxic!

After my enlightenment tonight in the parking lot at school, as I choked down half a sandwich that had been sitting in my car for 2 hours, brushed my hair with the other hand and listened to my voice mail on speaker phone, in my 4 minute break in between classes, my sister called me and told me that my brand new neice (4 weeks old) is in the hospital with pneumonia. Which is quite serious at that age. Right then my free pass to the pity party of the year expired. Life slapped me in the face with a dose of raw reality. My poor sister, my best friend, is thousands of miles away, all alone dealing with a very sick baby. My sister is younger than me, the mother of four young children, a wife, a nursing student, keeps a job, and a house. She is amazing. My heart is heavy right now-- for her. It doesn't matter that people aren't stroking my big fat ugly ego and I'm not as great as I thought I was.

What matters is that there are people in this world with real problems. It's time I become more grateful for the opportunities that I have.

If I had one wish it would be that my neice responds to the antibiotics quickly and goes home tomorrow. Please god be with my sister and baby Abigail tonight.

Where did your personality go?

The tone in my class is different. The excited chit chat at the beginning of class is fading. We work and some work a full 40 hours. They rush into class disheveled and red faced, hungry and tired! The excitement has worn off and now they are run down. It's a grind--for sure. I feel for them.

I'm lucky I don't work 40 hours and my work is super flexible. They understand when I need to get things done. I also don't have a family to support so if I run out of money and starve ...its ok.

No one has dropped out yet. I still can't figure out who will but the upper level kids say at least 5 will be gone by Spring. I have not considered quitting and I'm not really a quitter anyway but I do feel unorganized again. This happens like every week. Right when I get my act together ---something else comes up and I'm out of it again.

I have enough flash cards to wallpaper my apartment. I'm pretty sure my flashcards annoy my classmates cuz at least 2 of them have made comments. They can kiss my ass tho cuz thats how I learn. I have started out lining but I can't figure out which of the three computers I use that I saved my torts outline on? I found my contracts outline and it looks downright scary. Im trying to get all my reading done so I can outline this weekend.

Happy Thurday! :(

Now for what really matters....

CONTRACTS!!

I won't lie...it is getting better. The only problem is that no amount of preparation helps me deal with my professor. His point is that he is trying to get us ready to "fight a case texas style." Which means fly by the seat of our pants under immense pressure. It's one of those things you know will help you in the long run. He shoots questions at you like you are being prosecuted. I have to admit it is effective. Professor Contracts clearly LOVES his job and is VERY good at it. His method really pushes that theory that law school doesnt teach you anything.

I did decent tonight. I answered all the qs correctly and did them off memory not from crazy scrambeling through my notes. Which actually feels better than just having the right answer written down. I don't know how likely it is that I do well in this class but I will learn the entire freakin restatement because he insists!

Today was very strange on all kinds of levels...I'll spare you the details but I sense a change of seasons metaphorically and literally. I'll need some rest!

Good night!

Slept all Day

Feel Better. Went outside to get some air and I was suddenly haunted by the crazy neighbor boy. Last Sat. the Room with a Window by Hitchcock was on AGAIN. I wanted to watch it so bad but I was so afraid of jinxing myself.

Last time I watched it I had two window visitors in one night. Today I spot the crazy neighbor and about 5 other guys standing at the corner. They all turned to look at me and I booked it around the other corner. I felt stuck. I went in Walgreens and almost just took a seat in the magazine aisle until they left. I managed to sneak around the corner but man I feel like a prisoner. Bottom line is Im a big chicken.

Turns out Im Sick

So I know why Im all Blah...Im sick. My throat hurts and my sinuses are acting up. Ill be taking it easy at home today. Gotta get better. No time for this.

To myself

Not feeling like myself these last couple of days. Not in the mood to talk. I just want to find a rock to hide under. I don't have any thoughts or brilliant insights into any insignificant social phenomena to share. Just feeling blah. Not sad, not mad, not happy, just melancholy.


Be back soon....

You are who u hang out with...

Remember when you were a kid and your parents just didn't like your friend. There was this one friend that your parents thought was a bad influence on you. Some parents go as far as prohibiting you from seeing that friend. I'm having a problem reconciling my thoughts on this with regard to Reverand Wright and Obama.

My lil nugget sent this to me today,
"The size of the future you actually experience will largely be determined by one factor: the people you choose to connect with. When you invite people who are truly committed to growth into every aspect of your life, your own potential for growth becomes truly unlimited."
Dan Sullivan


"Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you;
be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them."
W. Clement Stone

Up until today I have pretty much ignored all the negative press about Obama because there is nothing anyone can say to me that would change my mind. I wouldnt vote for him for any reason on earth. I don't need to be fed negative B.S. about shit that doesn't matter. I save myself the aggrivation. However, today I started thinking about the people Obama is linked to and who they are.

Reverand Jeremiah..whatever his name is....has been a very close friend of Obama's for 20 years I believe. (don't quote me on my facts) Reverand married him and Michelle, baptised him and baptised his kids. Correct me if I am wrong but i think it is "reasonable" to believe that these facts indicate a really close friendship. Marriage and baptism are meaningful rituals that we typically share with those closest to us.

Now...is it fair to say that Obama could be some radical closet muslim and do his past actions tell us anything about his character? He did drugs as a teen, he associated with some crazy, American hating mo-fos, and thats all i can remember.

ME: I was the friend your parents hated! I was loud, wild, unruly, and a lil crazy. My best friends mom told me this when i was 12 years old as she backed me up against the wall, "You are like Cinderella with a truck drivers mouth!" I was a little maniac and that is an understatement. As a teen I experimented with drugs, nothing serious, nothing that stayed with me but enough to say I practiced very poor judgement and did not make good decisions.

Not only are my friends parents shocked that I graduated college and am in Law School but they have eaten their words. I can't be judged based on my past. Not entirely. My mistakes and trouble were of a different type tho. I have never been racist, anti American or a political radical. My actions have little or no bearing on whether or not I have the character to be president.

I have a racist friend. My skin crawles when he says racist things and to be honest in the back of my head I'm disgusted and don't even like him. But his slips are very rare he typically doesn't act that way in front of me.

So...........Is it possible that Obama associated with these radical people without knowledge of their statements and actions? People who say things like America created aids to kill black people and Bill Ayers who is nothing short of a terrorist. Is this the company any of you would want to keep, I sure wouldnt. Can we really believe that Obama never had conversations with these people about radical positions on policy etc.? I know my argument is not very substantive but I don't have time to dig for facts etc. Ive read hundreds of articles for both sides and I don't really focus to much on it. Today I decided that I do believe that Barrack Obama has proven by his actions and behaviors that he is not the man he purports to be. His associations with hateful radicals leads me to believe that at one time or another his patriotism was a lil more than lacking.

I personally want a man or woman, whatever, who loves this country with a powerful and profound respect for our traditions, our people, our beliefs and our safety. John McCain has proven that he loves this country and would do anything to take good care of it.

What happens when your heart isnt in it and you are not doing it for the right reasons? You are influenced easily by those around you, you don't take a solid stand on anything, and you don't give it your all. Because you just dont care enough.

OBAMA HAS TO GO!

Blood, Sweat, Tears and hopefully a job.

I dont work on Weds. so I spend the day in the library like a good girl. The summer class I took was primarily day students and now I have quite a few day student aquaintences. (Im an evening student) Today I got to catch up with about 6 of them all throughout the day. The theme among each of these encounters was depression, anger and disappointment. Every single one of them said it is virtually impossible to keep up and the only way to stay above water is to read in your every single spare second. There is a lot of negativity flowing through the halls of my law school. Its very clear to me now why so many people are miserable in law school. There is absolutely no way to comprehend the work load until you actually experience it. You might think you know and you might not be afraid of hard work but you really have no idea how mentally draining it is.

I love to complain and I love bragging about how long my days are but I really do love it. Nothing is more gratifying than hard work. Which is probably the key difference between my bitching about exhaustion and them bitching about life in general. I haven't gotten behind on anything and Ive stuck to my study schedule. I am always prepared maybe with the wrong answers but at least I gave it some effort. This analysis goes way deeper than I can even articulate, my thoughts are very tangled right now. Cought up and confused with manifestation of mutual assent and Intentional infliction of emotional distress, with a touch of the UCC code 2-207. Those are the things floating in my mushy brain right now---its really hard to articulate any one thought.

What I did conclude and it may be presumptuous but the population of severely unhappy students are probably those same un employed attorneys that scare the shit out me. Maybe my theory was right.....blood, sweat, tears + preparation and opportunity= employment. I'm so scared to be unemployed when this is said and done. But I do believe that I'm doing this because it interests me, I love the challenge, and I can be good at it. Honestly, I NEVER think of $ other than lack thereof, while I'm paying my loans back.

Moral of my ramblings is: If you do it for the right reasons, your heart is in it, and you want it bad enough, you can do well, pass the bar, and get a job! Am I still being naive? I'm willing to accept that but I hope I'm right. I can NOT afford a 100k debt with no job.

You know what really bugs me about all of this---It is simply NOT fair and MISLEADING for law school faculty to constantly warn us about balance and exercising. If you are staying on top of your reading you have ZERO TIME. They shouldn't even give people the impression that its possible because it makes us feel like we are doing something wrong.

Anther famous quote from profs and admin: "Study smart but don't use commercial outlines or canned briefs." This is just freaking ridiculous, who do they take us for according to them we are the "smart ones" so why do they expect us to fall for this PROPAGANDA. Whatever its all about the end result all the bullshit in between is just a minor distraction that I'll brush off.

This insanity just wont end

Fucking Contracts. So I go above and beyond and knew the cases without even referring to the case book- It did make it easier however, before class a few of us were talking about the cases and I posed a question about that gawd damn case La Salle v. Vega. The one I asked you all about. The one I almost cried over.

These S.O.Bs (my classmates) #1 couldn't even freaking figure out who the parties were; #2 couldn't comprehend the fact that the Trustee and the Purchasing agent BOTH worked for the bank #3 would not answer my question directly ...not even a hmmm i dunno. They would talk about other crap.

Like my boss does, I started getting very frustrated and kept saying...."THAT'S NOT MY QUESTION!" and "HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO MY QUESTION!" This went on for like 15 minutes. What was achieved was by the end of my endless repeats about who was who and what they were supposed to do, half the class got it. lucky for them but im still in desperate need for the answer. Super long dumb story short.........I never got an answer.

Prof. Contracts: "MISS *, please tell the class why the bank did not just sign the contract to make D bound."

I FUCKING KNEW IT! I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO ASK ME! DOES HE KNOW THIS HAS TORTURED ME ALL WEEKEND.

Me: "Professor the only thing I can think of is that they either didn't know that their own terms of the contract which specified that upon signature from D, (the offerror (seller and def.) on the banks form with the banks terms) the K would be returned to the bank for final execution by the Trustee, meaning their assent would conclude the K, was absolutely MANDATORY PER THEIR OWN TERMS, OR they just simply forgot to do it." I just don't know.

Prof. K: (answer made no sense) The bank did not execute the K making D legally bound because D by indirect revocation made the offerees power of acceptance dead. Ds indirect revocation was his action of selling the property to a third party.

Me: OK SO WHY THE FUCK IS THE BANK SUING FOR SPECIFIC PERFORMANCE (RETRIEVAL OF PROPERTY) IF THERE WAS NO K, NO EXECUTION BY TRUSTEE! IF THEY KNEW THERE WAS NO LEGAL K, WHY DID THEY WASTE THEIR TIME IN COURT!

I never got an answer and I still don't understand. Other than that.......I did just as I set out to do and nailed it!

Miss me....

Thats what my adorable nephew used to say. He meant to say I miss YOU but this is way cuter. Anyway, Im working hard and really giving K my all right now. Im really proud of myself because I am making a 100% honest effort to get over my bad attitude and its working.

Im feeling great about my comprehension of this weeks readings, where it came from, why its there and where its going. If I can pull this off tomorrow night I will be set for the rest of the week! Watch...I do awesome in K and then bomb Torts...that would suck ass.

God I hope this works. Tomorrow is week 4 I have to find a way that works for me NOW. I don't have time to play around and waste time.

Thanks for all the good blogs with good advice I really do incorporate a lot of it into my exploration of the best way to study for me.

Good night!!

There comes a Time when u Throw in the Towel

For the day anyway. I'm in my semi clean house, it smells good, the kitchen is clean, the cats have food, my clothes are put away and I HAVE GROCERIES!!

I did all my reading but there is just so much more to it than that. I plan to go through it all again and clean up my briefs. I have my Torts and K outlines up to date---a study date set up for next Sat, and a glass of wine in my hand.

I'm sad that I didn't get to socialize much this weekend, missed 2 birthday parties and didn't get to work out at all. Well once.

I literally cried in target today when this monster size can of soup landed on my toe. My eyes well up just thinking about it. It hurt so freakin bad and all my pent up frustration wanted to come pouring out like a waterfall but I held it together. I could still cry but I wont. I have so much work to do tomorrow at work. There will be no time for messing around. I have to get to the gym, pay my car insurance (assuming it didn't lapse), turn in my time card--or I wont get paid and breathe I have to remember to breathe.

Is my complaining super annoying or what? I feel like all I do is complain. Im just afraid to fail thats all and well.....Im a complainer. Sorry.

good night!

Time for some Positivity around here...

I hate Debbie Downers (and other debbies) My favorite fake mom (Mamma L) inspired me to do this:

Why I like my new law school life:

1. My face is happy...a lot less make up wearing
2. No more hangovers
3. No more random texts from half forgotten evenings at the neighborhood club.
4. Saving money....no more bar tabs
5. No drama of my own....living vicariously through a case book.
6. Meeting a lot of new people with similar interests
7. Being productive
8. Exercising my mind again
9. being on the go constantly no more idle time
10. No more dependence on cable TV

Ok thats not that compelling Ill keep working on it.

fogive the typos

I just dont care....I hope it doesnt drive u all nuts. Assuming anyone reads it ;)

I wont be looking forward to weekends

I had a moment yesterday. I was reading a case and I couldn't understand something in it and still don't. I was on hour 8 or so of studying and I kinda lost it. I got really angry and started thinking about how this hard work was going to be non stop for a long time. I wanted to throw the book out the window.

There are other reasons for my moodiness (girl problems). It all started in the morning, I drove to work (my favorite study spot) and had forgotten my keys. Had to drive all the way home. My house is a dirty shithole which makes me extremely unhappy. I just don't have time...none. I am choosing to sleep 8 hours instead of cutting out the sleep in order to get more normal chores done because I am useless when I am tired. So its either sleep and have a dirty house and dirty hair or don't sleep and be a zombie who cant concentrate but has a clean house.

This weeks contracts reading was frustrating. The case book we are using was purposely chosen so there is not a good supplement to aid in the reading. Thanks asshole. I bought the E&E and really liked it but that was an extra 3 hours of reading, just to understand where the fuck we are going with this. I think it has helped a lot. Contracts is like math to me. I have a weird mental block (bad attitude) I think i resent it because I hate not "getting" anything. Like the profs tell us over and over again...."You are not that student anymore, the one who does all the reading and is fully prepared."

Preparation and being fully prepared doesn't mean just briefing the cases anymore. It means understanding them and the hidden nuances and implications of them in today's world. I'm a fighter that's for sure so the plan for today is to do some good reading (Torts) get that done. Then back to contracts to try to dig for those nuances that I see but don't quite understand how they fit it.

I wish I had someone to call and talk to about this but my classmates are just not helpful. I might go talk to the T.A and explain this one situation. Here is the case if anyone wants to help me:

La Salle National Bank v. Vega
167 Ill. App. 3d 154

I don't understand why the bank is suing Vega in the original law suit.......

Week Three ...DONE

Alot of things have settled down. The level of anxiety I get before class has diminished substantially. I feel comfortable with my classmates and have seen just about every single one of them blow it...at least twice. I'm not afraid of talking anymore. I am tired though. Endurance is def. my #1 weakness.

One thing that comes to mind frequently is that eventually I will have to downgrade my lifestyle. I.e. give up my cutesy lil L.A. apartment in my cutesy neighborhood. Possibly pick up a roommate closer to school and even think about not working. Which is completely not an option right now.

I am supposed to go to one of my very best friends birthday parties Sat. but in all honesty I am dreading it. I have hours and hours and hours of reading to do. I feel so torn. I need to go cuz i love him but I also need to go cuz i need to get out. I just don't want to. I want to be prepared and avoid the immense stress when I'm not completely prepared.

I am shocked at how many people in my classes are already slacking. There is one girl who has missed a class in each class, there are people who are not briefing all the cases and there are people who are reading right before class. I just don't get it. I guess maybe the level of commitment that I have is just different. Well this isnt really a very interesting post but man I just love blogging, it's such a stress reliever to me. Have a nice weekend kiddos!! and Study hard!

Torts...

3 night of torts and I was ON-IT! Thank you so much Emanuel....that freakin commercial outline is amazing.

I do all my reading, briefing, and comprehending of the language in the torts then use Emanuel to #1 double check and #2 catch the nuances barely mentioned in the book-

Before class we were talking about the elements of Assault, of few of us, and I said....ok guys What does Apprehension mean? All of them said fear! So, I showed them my handy dandy flashcard and said nonono...it is comprehension etc.

What do you know smarty pants next to me, my fake friend, gets called on and the prof asks her about the case and she keeps insisting fear was an element. So I casually slide my card to her side of the desk. She tries non chalantly to look--- but he catches her and tells me, "Move the card closer to her, she can't see it." Then he says, "What does Miss* card say?" She repeats it and I slink really, really, really, low in my chair. But inside I was saying...."Fuck you Contracts I got Torts." Who needs dodgeball--- I got golf...the solo game!

Good night!!

Prof Contracts took my soul today

I am empty, drained, lifeless, numb and dumb! He sucked me dry. Maybe I'm tired....maybe thats why they say.......balance...you need balance.

How the hell are they going to say balance and 27+ hours of studying (pt program) on top of ur regular job, in one sentence. And how the hell do u sleep when you have his voice haunting u all night. contracts, contracts, contracts, memorize the restatement.....restatement SECOND Miss *, shit sorry, yes SECOND.

I am the #1 douchebag. All the profs love love LOVE to call on me. LOVE IT. WHYYYY! My classmates laugh during break, as they taunt me...Miss * , what do u think? Miss *, YOU are wrong Miss *! and the torment goes on all night until I am dead inside.

Told u I was a drama queen! ;) But really Im EXHAUSTED and really I do get unfairly picked on. At least someone picks me since I still haven't been picked for a dodge ball team. Prob. my ridiculous answers in class turned them OFF! Bastards!!

sucker....

My all time favorite past-time is practical jokes....beware, Im ruthless.

a lil background...I live 50 miles from school which = 100 miles per day. A lot of my friends that I grew up with live right by my school. So they are a rotation, I spend the night at their houses to save gas and socialize of course. My best friend from child hood was the victim of my daytime boredom....Btw, I am working too.

Me: i started ur dishwasher and put regular soap by accident dude ur house is flooded with bubbles so i opened the door to look for a mop and mr. potter ran out i cant find him

Special K says:
WHAT

Special K says:
WAHT

Special K says:
OMG

Special K says:
SHUT THE FUCK UP

Special K says:
Are you kidding me

Me:
omg

Me:
ur landlord is here

Me:
should i let her in

Special K says:
OMG

Special K says:
ARE you kidding me

Me:
JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST KIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDING

Me:
HAHAHAHA

Special K says:
FUCK YOU FUCK YUO

Me:
but i did start ur dishwasher

Special K says:
I had me keys in my hand

Special K says:
and running out the door

Me:
im so damn funny

Special K says:
I HATE YOU"

Special K says:
YOu wait

BTW

still no study group! Whats wrong with me! Im a damn hard worker, anyone would be lucky to have me. Id prob do all the gawd damn work! I don't smell, Im cute enough, Im not annoying, Im responsible---Im super funny, charming, charasmatic, UGH forget it. Im only a legend in my own mind, apparently!

This is like being picked last for the dodge ball team in elementary school, WTF!

The Paper Chase

I finally saw it. As if 24 hours of studying in one weekend wasn't enough law, I spent my free time watching a law movie. Awesome! It was ok. I see the similarities of today's law school experience. And most importantly all those lame references won't fly over my head anymore.

Last week a 2L told me that his professor took a picture of every student for his seating chart. Little did I know that this was a joke. I was shocked and said so all the while looking the dumb ass I am. Whatever.

Id really appreciate some help regarding my last post but I suppose normal people are resting this holiday weekend. Not I.

You will be glad to know (maybe) actually u prob. don't really give a shit but Im going to see Dark Night with my friend tonight. That will be the extent of my socializing for the entire weekend. But I'm ok................I swear.

I still like law school.....Can't wait to compare postings one year from now.